Another part of me thinks why bother with any of this. Everything is such a hassle. I feel best when I am alone at home with nothing on the itinerary. All human interaction gives me immense stress and anxiety. Summer and xmas are the worst. I like both, just not all the fake bullshit and hassle. Wish everyone could just leave me alone. I spent xmas completely alone last year and it was friggin’ awesome!!! I have this evil fantasy of everyone disappearing off the earth. Would i miss people? Maybe. It’s not even that I don’t like people, I could just do without all the hassle and drama. Everyone is so lost and confused and nobody gives a fuck anymore about anything but short term pleasure. We live in a hedonist dystopia. You say the wrong thing and you’re out of the club. Just like that. You are done. No chance for redemption. The best you will get is their pity. Eventually you start to believe them and feel like a has-been. What could’ve been. Fuck this darkness up north really starts to eat away at your soul. It’s relentless and it’s not even peaking yet. We are still like 40 days from the worst. The whole day is misty and dark. Sounds romantic yeah sure. Most of the time you cant tell if its day or night. Is this all a dream? You stare vacantly into the empty black darkness and wonder if it is staring back at you, god knows what evil is lurking out there (it thinks). These black hole eyes we all have. We are all dead and this is the afterlife.
I probably should keep posts like this to myself. Or save ‘em for a book or something.
What the hell
Who gives a fuck.