to the moon

friend zoned at fifteen
so drank and joined the metallica fanclub
grew my hair and saw slayer live
went to school and then came back home to shred and masturbate
listened to metal and read biographies and q magazine
saw this beautiful girl in the hallway at school
looked like jennifer anniston who i had a crush on
summer holidays came but couldn’t get her off my mind
knew that i have to make some changes
lose the loser look
cut my hair
got into pop music again
wrote her a letter telling her what is what
she never even knew i existed until now
i asked her to be my date to the prom
she said yes
made her a instrumental guitar song and wrapped it in roses, like literally
we had coffee and started hanging out but she didn’t want me
i wanted to fuck her so bad and eat that sweet pussy
we became friends and i eventually fell in love with her friend in spanish class who was even cooler and beautiful and dated older guys
but she didn’t want me either at first but eventually she did
and helped me forget about everything
ran into her many years later after bars closed in fast food restaurant
i mean the one i wrote the stupid song for
i was a different man by then
no longer the skinny teenage guitar nerd loser
we laughed about it all
she said it was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her
the song, the roses and all that gay stuff
i laughed and said what a loser i was
i got back to my friends and she went her way
never saw her since except maybe on facebook or something
always wanted to fuck her
maybe one day i will
she’s probably married now with kids and stuff
i don’t give a fuck
i’ll fuck that pussy and pretend we’re still 18
wish i was like this back then
wish i knew what i know now
one day i am gonna fuck all the girls i always wanted but couldn’t
i’ll find them and track those bitches down
that is what motivates me to get famous and rich and cool
because i know that i am nothing inside
like everyone
we are all nothing in a sea of nothing lost in this fucking galaxy somewhere in space
nobody knows where we are or where we came from or what is going on
all the scientists and cosmologists and philosophers are just as confused as me and you
all the poets and madmen and sorcerers and mystics and van morrisons and jim morrisons will never know either
it doesn’t matter what you do or if you’re a sociopath or some whore or saint or whatever
nobody gives a fuck
the only thing that matters is survival
hunter eyes
masculine jaw
black pill blue pill red pill pink pill
nice ass and a flat stomach
sexy ripped hipster clothes and flowery fragrances
and hard whiskey shots and witty banter and bro country tattoos and rock tshirts
to feel fake edgy and smoke like it’s still cool
same stories recycled because we are bored of our agony
new politicians come along who promise us things we can’t afford
or are too lazy to work for
eventually all of us will be just drifting and scrounging
laughing at the great extinction
like me
i live in castles and drive lamborghinis in dreams of lost tomorrows
and lick toads to get high somewhere light cannot find
to feel as if i am god and god is the great being behind this nothing
i’m tired of this
gonna end this poem here
disney ain’t gonna call me
my highest achievement is zero grammy nominations
gonna turn all my work into rap songs