Today is my 30th birthday. So I decided to start a blog. I’m a musician/songwriter first and foremost but I do like writing and have been trying to find a way to balance my writing with my music for many years now. Perhaps this attempt will be more successfull than previous ones.
I’ve taken a hard look at myself in the last few days, which is not unusual for me. I realised a few things which strike me personally as no less than profound.
Firstly, I came across a quote which goes as follows:
Art is something you do for yourself.
A craft is something you do for everyone else.
The powerful truth of this resonates so deeply within me that it’s like a puzzle has been completed. It’s taken me exactly thirty years to understand what this really means. Now I fully do. I understand exactly what it is that I do. In fact, because I understand this I would say I have in some ways reached mastery as an artist and a craftsman (or at least in understanding the creative process). This doesn’t mean I can’t get better but it means I don’t have to spend anymore time agonising over it nor feeling burdened by the torturous process of art. I can just let it be. Let it live. The art is for me, the craft is for you.
Secondly, and this is a big one. It’s also something I have been somehow avoiding and denying for most of my life. I’ve refused to even really acknowledge it. I’ve looked down upon it. Demoralized it. I have brainwashed myself into thinking that there is no such thing.
Happiness.
It’s my new obsession. My new passion. My goal in life. I want to understand it. Befriend it. Learn how to cultivate it. Master it. And of course share what I learn. I want to be happy. It all starts now. Right here, right now.
Sorry Cobain. Sorry Bukowski. Sorry Mr. Jonhson. Sorry Townes. Sorry Elliott. My miserable heroes whose torches I carry, shall now be left behind. It’s time for us to finally part. But of course I will never forget you.
I’ve suffered enough and I’ve more than certainly glorified my own suffering enough. Enough is enough. I’ve also thankfully written enough songs to last me quite awhile so until I really need to stir things up again, I can ease off the inner anarchy.
But like in all things, I need to find my own way to experience this elusive thing we call happiness. If there’s one thing I have learned so far, it is this: happiness is not merely a momentary burst of joyful feeling but of a lifelong adventure of well-being, with all of life’s ups and downs of course. At least that’s the kind of happiness I am after.
Something tells me that I’ve been on this path for much longer than I realise. Everything that has happened, has led me here.