(from Ruthless Truth forums)
ugh… just wrote a long post which took me hours to write and it disappeared when I tried to submit it. Fucking computers… well here we go again.
where I am right now with all this:
I understand the no-self “concept” logically but there’s no significant revelation or “snap” or “ding-ding-ding”. I’ve tried to understand this “cracking” thing which I’ve been reading about in since the start of this week when a friend threw me a link to your forum. I read through the Brutal Beginnings book, the forums and on the blog rolls. I could definitely relate with Ciaran’s story. I’ve meditated on “no-self” with my own thoughts and wrote about it in my journals. I’ve chewed on it. Juggled with it. Played with it. Even discussed it with friends last night (while drinking). And I do think overall I’ve become much aware of my own thought patterns and this has properly had a permanent effect on the way I see the world. I’ve read about this stuff before in philospohy and spiritual stuff but never really held on to it. Not like this.
Yes, no self. It’s just a thought. Like all language. An interpretation of reality. Of course, language itself is not real. It’s just something that points to that which is real. Among many words in our language, the personal pronouns which supposedly refer to ourselves are actually not pointing directly at anything of substance. ie. a thought that resembles nothing concrete. Just a little perk in our language if you will. And in this case, the english language in particular (just so you know dear americans and brits, there are OTHER languages that differ quite a bit).
No-self. Got it. So what?
I just don’t understand what the fuss is about… I think that’s my problem and why I am writing here. Perhaps there is something here that I personally just don’t get. Or I haven’t taken it as far as I should. I am also not sure I am convinced that anybody is ever truly liberated (this includes jesus, buddha, etc). Liberation is, to me, just another concept. The real problems in the word I think are technical by nature (mostly ecological). Not political. Not spiritual. They are not about “us”. Over-concerning ourselves with our own petty little mind problems to me is just another form of narcissim. Although it is healthy to be psychologially free (which I think is more accurate to say than the ambiguous “liberation” which can mean many things), this freedom is no more an aspect of health than all the other ones like diet, fitness, lifestyle, compassion, harmony, etc. It’s a big one but not everything. Or is it?
As far as I’m concerned YOU or I or WE or THEY or whatever/whoever you want to call it is not liberated until ALL are liberated. And at that point (if that point were to ever to come) there will no longer be a need for even the idea of liberation. It’s kind of like atheism… a stupid term really that refers to the disbelief of something that is claimed to exist. Liberation is a continuum. Some are more free than others. But maybe the human condition is inherently at fault here. Ego got us this far. However, now it seems that to get further there must be a collective transcendence of the self. So saying that you are liberated is another illusion. The next step from that is liberation from the “concept” of liberation. However, I am open to admitting that I am wrong. About everything. I am open to trying your method of liberation.
So bring it on. Crack me. Until then, I am in doubt. I do admit that I want to be free from all this inner conflict. I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I feel that I have reached a dead end in my life. I want to be liberated. I want to see. I want to help others become free. And I want to write blogs and books about it. Or make a documentary. Or write songs (I’m a musician) about it. But ‘wanting’ is not enough for me. The truth must be seen.
That’s all I got for now. Maybe someone will have some comments on this. Some feedback would be appreciated.
Sorry for rambling. Thanks for reading.
