I was talking about toxic people and families with a friend.
He said:
I think 1/3 of my high school class were hopelessly damaged by toxic family. The other 1/3 doing okay and decent grades and top 10-20% good familes and A students and well off with money. I was in the bottom third of course. Dysfunctional to the core. We had everything but alcoholism. Generational dysfunction. Ended with me.
My thoughts:
Damaged people are usually attracted to other damaged people. They become friends or get married and have kids and the same shit continues. Healthy people repel the damaged ones or at least keep them at a distance. And when we start to repel damaged people it is good sign that we are switching camps!
I did a session with soul plumber Tarmo Urb once 6 years ago and it cost $2000 for a 2 hour skype call. The friend who suggested it also paid for it because I was in dire straits and he had the money. Apparently I had a bunch of family curses so Tarmo talked to the spirits and cleaned it all up. I also have like 15 guardian angels with me, he said.
Now what? I asked him after he did his thing. “Go to vietnam, live your life, beer and pussy.” I should’ve taken his advice. Did our 2 hour session help? I don’t really know. Hard to say. Not really. I still felt exactly the same. And my problems continued. He also said I can email him anytime as there might be some things to clear up. He never replied to me. Have tried to contact him several times via email or social media. No reply. A scammer and conman? Probably. A little follow up would’ve been nice. I hate it when people don’t respond.
It can be very difficult to escape toxic families and people. You want to save them and help them but they don’t really want to be helped or saved. Like I said in previous post, you cannot force the deep soul work on anyone. It can be brutal to uncover lies and traumas that people have spent their whole lives trying to repress. You can see it in their eyes if they are free or not. Once liberated, the human feels joy. When in prison, they are in a chronic state of panic. Tension. Always on guard.
Some successful families are also quite toxic like royal family in england. Lots of money can corrupt people or make them complacent. There is an imbalance. It’s possible to overcome this but again it takes a lot of work and it might be different for the rich vs the poor. If you are poor, first get money so you have the time to work on yourself. If you have the money, give it those who don’t have it or create systems to help them get it. Succession is a great show about this.
That is why important to develop all 4 pillars:
Emotional (E)
Physical (P)
Spiritual (S)
Financial (F)
Most families are dysfunctional. In fact, I don’t think I’ve met one yet that isn’t. They probably exist. I just haven’t seen them. Even the fictional ones are all corrupt. That’s why they are popular. Art is a reflection of society.
So when you say “generationally functional or dysfunctional” what exactly do you mean?
Lets say we look at the 4 pillars i mentioned
Emotional (E)
Physical (P)
Spiritual (S)
Financial (F)
We could say someone is dysfynctional when all four pillars are like 5-15% average maturity/development. Middle class they are like 40%. And maybe functional would be like 70% ?
But they could be like in succession
E –> 20%
P –> 40%
S –> 10%
F –> 100%
Same for the nordic family of Lukas. This is quite common. Yes functional but most areas are severely lacking. And the same generational dysfunction is proliferated.
Elite family functional maturity is rare where all pillars/quadrants are like above 80%. I know some where those other pillars are quite high but they are broke and always on the edge of needing more funds to pay for things or obsessed with finding some hack to make it financially.
To create this kind of new spiritual elite communities is totally possible if men like us really do this work on all levels and create new families, new generations of success and happiness. And then our kids have kids and they are even higher level because they start strong from birth.
Just one potential problem with this…
Tough times create strong men, strong men create easy times.
Easy times create weak men, weak men create tough times.
PROVERB
My friend commented further:
“Ofc you don’t know them because you dont go to places where these families meet (on not knowing such people).”
And on that proverb he commented…
No dont agree. This rule is for dysfunctional sick families. Healthy people are strong all the time. They dont need tough times. Easy times don’t weaken them either. Weak society doesn’t concern them. They earn enough money and fly to dubai. Rule of thirds. Just because some part of society is in trouble doesnt change anything for your family. You just adjust like you do when it is raining or according to the weather.
Me:
This i disagree with on a spiritual level. Earth is a community. Ecologically we are all united. And this is the opportunity. Nobody has put this together yet. Humanity on a whole is immature. But now this is my ambition talking. In my nature. I see chaos and i start finding order within it.
This is why i really like Ken Wilber’s INTEGRAL THEORY. Takes into account all lines of development. It can be very complex to think about because there are a lot of moving parts. Everything and everyone is connected and it’s a mistake to think it’s not. Wealthy families cannot ignore the poor folk living in their gated communities. This has to change.
There is great opportunity here to upgrade all these systems and theories. But this requires normal people to actually do the work. We can’t just listen to out-of shape academics tell us how the world works. Everyone is an expert when it comes to their own experience. Expertise means nothing. These ideas will converge once actualized. Things are not as complex as they seem now in the name of profit and advertising creating artificial problems out of thin air.
We are never stuck in a phase of development. Our whole life is a phase of development. We give and help each other by sharing our journeys. This is the road to connection. Start online if you need to drop the old patterns and toxic people and find new ways and people who support you on this path. These kinds of conversations are a big part of the work, the building process. We are testing structures
Conscious community consists of people who are open to be in this developmental phase. And they are free to come and go as they please. It is okay and to be expected that we are all on different parts of the journey. The most important is the intention to grow and give. Help others where we can. Sometimes lower tier can help higher tier see a different perspective.
Slowly we upgrade all the systems. Food. Movement. Thought. Work. Family. Love. Sex. Friendship. Communication. Community. And more we focus on these, the more we attract others like us. And repel the damaged ones. They want to remain in darkness. Okay. Let them. But they cannot destroy the earth. That has to be stopped. But in a way that benefits them also and does not create more war, hostility and division. A big challenge but I welcome it.
Building a strong foundation is essential. Always. And interacting with others like us on this path. That is the giving. And exchange. Value. Eventually this becomes our work and we will be rewarded for it financially and then you invest in yourself, in the community and slowly everything heals. We do our best.
The work itself is the greatest reward. And we can see our progress by looking at the damaged ones and remembering that is where we used to be. That’s how we know how far we have come. It can be heartbreaking too when they never listen and just go deeper into the hole, still trusting the government, doctors and the “system”. Some want to get out and go free but they don’t have the courage. And are surrounded by toxic people who want to keep them drowning. They might never escape and die regretting not listening to you.
To reflect further on the “tought times” proverb: In some sense we are stronger and wiser than those born into health and wholeness because they might not see this dark side. And because of this will not appreciate the freedom as much as us. The Light.
This kind of spiritual perspective can be applied to everyone no matter their level of wealth. If the money exists, what’s stopping you from becoming wealthy? There is abundance on earth. You are too fat and dumb and undisciplined to do the work if you are still broke, stuck and in the same situation year after year. What the fuck are you waiting for? Nobody’s coming to save you. Start now. Today. Change your ways. Stop lying to yourself. If you have kids, do it for them especially if their minds are still young and fertile. You are giving them superpowers for life. Otherwise you are an extreme narcissist and you are not fooling anybody with your empty promises. Your current reality is proof of that. You chose it. Everything. And you keep choosing every day you wake up into it and every moment you live in it.
Life will teach you if you let it.
We can also develop an education system where even priviliged children are taught all this stuff and show them what “damaged dysfunctional life” is and maybe even some experience working with such people as a camp or something. And make them experience hardship in a healthy way.
So yes you are right that “tough times create strong men” doesn’t apply anymore once we reach a certain level of base understanding and wellness. The message of this proverb needs to be challenged and upgraded as well so it becomes more like a “conscious hardship” through excercise, mind training, etc.
Like Jedi Dune level shit.
Exciting times ahead. We are the new generation. The revolution is NOW!
And yes I am aware of a trap with all this save the world thinking: that focusing too much on healing humanity and others and fixing all these big problems is a way to avoid the work with myself. But I think we can do both. This is where the spiritual wisdom helps enormously. To accept things as they are (meanwhile doing what we can to make them better).
So there are traps with all this stuff. Ego is cunning. It turns everything into a war.
Beware of this also: dont get “stuck” in a phase. Lots of people get lost that way and their own brokenness becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. That said, I don’t think it’s correct to say development is a phase. You are always changing, growing, evolving, developing. The levels are infinite. Right now humanity is like at age 18 level. Most people get stuck there. Kids raising kids. And that’s why there is still war. Fear of change. Fear of success. Fear of freedom. Fear of love. Fear of the LIGHT.
Where to start?
Get healthy. Detox your mind, body, heart, spirit. All systems. Take a 100 day solid food vacation. That will change everything.
When we are physically healthy, we actually have the energy and focus to work on this. Reading books. Working with therapists and coaches. Doing the bodywork, breathwork. Psychedelics. Courses. Retreats. Travel. Being open and engaged when around others.
If someone has a colon stuck with worms and mucoid plaque, nothing external will help them. If you are closed and anxious and afraid of everyone, you will just stay at home and boohoo to yourself in your own head while trusting the system that is destroying you. Get healthy. Get out. Move your body. Quit your shitty job and do what you love. Travel the world. Take a break from your current reality and stop making fucking excuses. They are lame and nobody cares. If you have a family that is just another excuse. They deserve you at your best. Come back when you are ready to give them the love they deserve.
We need to work on all 4 pillars.
Emotional
Physical
Spiritual
Financial
The pillars help each other. The foundation becomes strong and when we are at 80% on all 4 we become unbreakable and then it’s easier to find new levels. If you are at 10%, the climb can be tough. You might fall and falter. That’s okay. Keep growing. Never give up. You are alive. You are still breathing. You can change. Create a new life if you need to. Become someone else. Your past is just a story in your head. It is all a game you play with yourself. You can be anyone. Do anything. Go anywhere. Earth is your home. Claim what’s yours.
DREAM BIG
but start small.
