Sep 21, 2009

it’s funny how this game works. So as you can tell from my recent posts, turbulent times in Markusland. Last night had some drinks. Today the hangover. But i’m writing music like I haven’t in a long time. I mean, it’s nothing special for me but lately i’ve suffered from not being inspired. This is the way the game works. When everything is under control, when I’m too clean and pure and healthy, it kills my muse. the inspiration drains out of me and leaves me dry creatively. I also personally like a certain kind of mood which covers everything I consider beautiful in this world and expressed in art that moves me. It’s that darkness thing or on the edge or “blues” factor. Actually I think it’s just that “realness” factor. I can write a song, anytime, anyplace. But it has to feel “right” to me. That’s why I hate writing with other people. Or sitting down to “try” and write something. The words and songs come whenever they come. I just get this feeling that i have to write now and that’s all there really is to it. Kind of like taking a shit…It’s extremely selfish to never make that compromise. But that’s the way it must be. In the end, I have never compromised myself be it in bands or relationships at least not in the long run. Temporary compromises eventually lead me to a dead end. That is probably why it may seem like I am still nowhere but i’m NOT in a dead end. But doing it like this is the only way for me. When you compromise yourself, everything becomes meaningless. It’s intuition at it’s deepest and that is why I have never opened a book of “how to write songs” nor will I ever. in the wise words of racing driver Mario Andretti “when you’re in control, you need to go faster”. Things must be at least a little messed up for me and that is the sacrifice I make. Look at all the great songwriters, most of their best stuff was when they were channeling that “outer” inspiration, the songs become more than they are. The dead became legends. The ones remaining became performers of their old selves when they were at their best; novelty acts with the occasional spark. It’s better to burn out than to fade away, Neil young once sang. Or quit and do something else, say I. Am I quitting? hell no. I’m still warming up. My best work is definitely still ahead of me, I am absolutely certain of that. It’s all in the air, just gotta reach out and grab it.