The following is my introductory post in a paid membership private community message board for people who want to start a raw vegan diet (founded by Shane Sterling).
Hello there everyone. Thank you for being here. I joined three months ago as a 40th birthday present to myself. But because I was on hiatus from social media, didn’t join this fb group until now.
This post is quite long so grab a juice or smoothie. Felt the calling to share and perhaps some of you can relate and find yourself in my story. Please let me know if you do 🙂
The last 3 months have been very interesting. Big changes. Basically used all my life savings on health, coaching and personal growth. New juicer, blender, sprouter, distiller, herbs, supplements, books, yoga mat, camcorder, enema kit, fitness watch, smart scale, etc. Lots of stuff. Still learning how to use it all.
And i’m not even on a juice fast/feast yet but starting in august!
Going in the right direction. Since turning 40 in april, I have quit all pharmaceuticals including painkillers. Also quit alcohol, caffeine and animal products. Transitioning into the raw stuff with just “whatever” vegan, kind of went crazy with all the vegan junkfoods and all that. Wanted to know if they are good. They’re not 🙂 But it’s still progress because at least I am not harming other sentient beings. Our pleasure does not justify that.
(Btw, the song “Healing Pt.1 by Todd Rundgren just started playing, such a great song!)
It’s a new life. I have been trying to figure this all out since 2008 when I first went vegetarian. It’s been a bumpy ride since then. Experimenting. Reading. Learning. Failing. Quitting. Starting again. Travelling. Relationships. Heartbreak. Acid trips. Sex drugs and rocknroll. Mental breakdowns. Love, loss. Troubles and triumphs. Have chronicled it all in songs, blogs, performances, and sabotaged opportunities. Therapies. Spiritual methods. What a ride it’s been. Love it. And I feel like 40 is really the new 20. Human life is long. We are slow blooming idiots. At least i am. Finally becoming a man? There are positive signs for sure at least. Taking responsibility for our reality 100% is a good start. Nobody else to blame at this age. We are what we create.
In the last 5 years I have been mostly living as a recluse (scamdemic really woke me up). And living on welfare so I have time freedom to work on my mind, body, spirit, and skills as a musician and poet. Have flirted with coaching and business and marketing and all that but so far struggling to switch from “subjective self expression” into this mindset of “serving and helping others”. The former suits my sensitive viking snowflake temparement more. I love poetry and art because it is a tender way to give us the wisdom we need. But some of us need more active force and coaching, selfhelp, healing, addiction work and all the stuff Shane Sterling does is probably more effective for transformation (not just inspiration).
Since I can remember I have always carried this “open wound” feeling no matter where I went or who I was with. But i learned to hide it well. Became an impostor to blend in and make friends and navigate this crazy world. I have known it is there (the wound) but it was not clear. I denied it with spirituality and art thinking the past doesn’t matter. It does. Our body remembers even when the mind forgets.
I am trying to integrate both. Build a bridge between the artist way and the business way. This is a new age of humans. I think both are good: art for creative expression. Business for transformation. Both can become a dual engine of power on the healing journey.
These last 3 months have brought to attention some deep issues I have related to inner child, healing, trauma, codepedency and all that. Our self worth is equal to our net worth. And the more we have the more we have to give. We limit ourselves greatly by getting too lost in the mind. Such phrases are meant to open us, not to have a temper tantrum to justfiy our own failures. Failure is great. But only if you learn from it and keep climbing the mountain.
Discovered Shane probably early ’22. Shane was kind enough to help me with some DMs on fb. I then booked a call with him but cancelled just before. He said that is my ego talking. He was right. Was not ready yet. I went back to old ways. But knew what I needed if I was to take the next step in my own evolution as an artist and man. Not just step but next level. The two steps backward/forward dance I was doing was getting kind of boring. I wasn’t fooling anyone.
Eventually I got back into it. Autumn, winter, etc. Started reading Shane’s posts on fb. That stuff really triggered me because I went through a phase where I thought all this health new age stuff is a bunch of nonsense sold by narcissistic predators. I was a godless a man without beliefs. I just wanted to feel alive and getting angry and mean seemed to give me some kind artificial sense of importance. Reminds me of a powerful quote by Matt Kahn:
“Ego is a false identification with an over-stimulated nervous system.”
I projected my insecurities onto Shane and others online. I would often do this throughout my life. Always got kicked out of many communities. Refunded courses because nothing was good enough for me and ultimately I just wanted to do my own thing. Yet nothing was really working. Took pride in being the lonewolf philosophical individualist type who can debate himself out of any situation or any side of a debate. Or use my charms and dark poet ways. Often to provoke and enrage (in the name of truth I decried). That gave me some kind of thrill. Ego hits. I was just being a heartless fool. And an unhappy one.
I reached 40 and knew I wasn’t exactly where I wanted to be although I was probably where I needed to be. I made the investments. And here we are.
Now I am preparing for a long solid food vacation (SFV) starting in August. I have done some trial juice runs and loved it. In fact I wish I could just live permanently on juices. And fresh juicy fruit. Don’t really like anything else. Smoothies are okay and very convenient. The slow juicer and high-power blender are the best investments you can make to stay vegan.
For my SFV I also have a bunch of detox products for heavy metal cleanse, colon cleanse and many others. Will experiment with them. Probably do a combo of juice fast + master cleanse + maybe some water fasting, dry fasting and smoothies. I can’t afford 100% juice feast right now. Food budget for month is like €300-400. Finland is also a really expensive country.
Would love to relocate at some point to Tenerife or Bali. Somewhere warm with beautiful people around who live for truth and love. And also build an online business that integrates my art and all this other stuff. Something I have been working on for many years now but struggling to make it work. I think doing this health detox stuff will help me get into alignment and find the answers I am seeking. I can already feel it happening. The inner power is rising like a serpent. Just sad that nobody else I know cares. They will! One of the most difficult things has been cutting out the people from my old life. I just cant deal with their bullshit anymore.
Not sure yet about becoming a coach. Started IPEC training last summer but realized it is not for me. Feels like i am forcing myself to be something i am not. Currently kind of apprehensive and feeling like i am in no man’s land regarding artist or coach, hence the lack of money and still big issues with self worth. Artistically i am supremely confident. As a human I feel like a complete loser and failure (no family, no friends, no house, no money, no job, no boat, no kids, no dogs, no girlfriend). But free as a bird. Like i said, perhaps there is a way to integrate these paths. Somehow. Don’t know how. Very challenging. Cant be everything to everyone.
I intend to document my journey on youtube which is why I bought the camcorder (it is a good one too). I think the answers will come as I purify soul, body, heart, mind. The money will come as I create value for others and inspire/empower them.
To integrate music, short films, novels and through that promote all the stuff we are into here: yoga, health, raw vegan, world peace, etc. I see great opportunities even from a marketing point of view. The cool thing about art is that it sneaks behind your ego. So it can be a powerful way to get these messages across when done right. I dont want to make this feel cheap or spiritually shallow. I know that’s what works but… i dont know. Just want to do something unique and epic. This path is not for mere mortals.
Of course once we walk the path, others who are far behind can benefit from our wisdom. How we deliver that wisdom to others is the systems we choose to build. That can come in many forms. Coaching. Songs. Books. Films. Videos. Courses. Events. Memberships. maybe all. I kind of want to do it all. I am an architecht personality type. INTJ-T
The next 3-4 months will be very interesting. Got another 10 days left to prepare and finish all this vegan junk food! I will probably make lots of mistakes. Do things my own way because I’m a stubborn mule! But i’m sure it will be fun. I will use the wisdom of people like Shane as a guide. Other teachers I really resonate with: Eli Martyr, Josh X, John Rose.
Would love to work with Shane on the business stuff but I think first I gotta cleanse. I would love to make 10k per month somehow helping others with this but also staying loyal to my artist path and of course the divine muse I serve. Then travel the world as a millionaire. Making music. Connecting with others. Helping people. Build a community. Start a family without all the trauma and misery. Turn the whole Earth back into a garden. Totally possible.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Hope you are having a good day or night wherever you are. Feel free to get in touch with me if what I said resonates. Or comment below. I am slowly getting back into the social media and now gotta figure out how this camcorder works so i can start filming. You can find my stuff online, music, twitter, blog, photos, etc.
Looking forward to connecting with y’all on the message boards and interwebs. Life is magical. Painful. Tragic. Hilarious. And we are all here on earth, doing our best. Staying alive and creating our dreams. Figuring out love.
Enjoy your weekend 😀
Thanks for reading.
Love,
Markus
PS. Always been a “me-love-you-long-time” kind of guy so get used to the long posts! If nobody responds to this then I will course-correct in future. Go read my blog if you want more 🙂
