Mental masturbation at it’s finest!
NVC = empathy + honesty. That’s it. Nothing else needed. But sure, lets write a 300 page book on the subject and throw in a bunch of pseudo-psycho-babble l fluff talk so that gullible idiots can get this pill down their throats a little easier.
According to this method, we are to give and receive empathy by honestly expressing and listening for:
* observations
* feelings
* needs
* requests
Sounds nice. But lets put our critical thinking goggles on to see if this passes rational scrutiny.
Lets try it out the process.
1. I am reading this book called NVC: language of life and the words are processing in my brain trying to decipher meaning. (observation)
2. I am feeling frustrated and bored (wait are those feelings or judgements?). Okay lets try the last step again.
I am feeling frustrated that such a simple concept (ie. communicate more honestly) can be made so complex.
I feel that there are more important ways to spend my time.
I feel that my intelligence will atrophy if I take this kind of shit (oops, another judgement) too seriously and ride some moral high horse spouting my spew upon the less wise. (feeling… kind of)
3. I need to stop reading this nonsense (yes, a judgement again) and watch more stand up comedy to get my intellect kick. (need)
4. Please stop making career choices based on human problems. (oh fuck, another judgement… wow, this is tricky)
Good luck doing this in your every day life! And essentially becoming an expert “judge” on what is a need and what is a feeling. Oh and don’t mix stimulus and cause when blaming others or situations. Geez…
Now a word about moralistic judgements, evaluations, etc.
Ready for it?
ALL WORDS ARE MORALISTIC JUDGEMENTS AND EVALUATIONS!!!!
Language is judgement.
Thought is judgement.
Observations are judgements and so is the “concept” of an observation because they come to our awareness through language, thoughts, etc. Even the “idea” of an idea or a concept is a judgement. It’s like the zen story goes: when pointing a finger at the moon the zen master asks his student “what is this?” to which his student replies “the moon”. The master corrects him “no, that is a finger pointing at the moon”.
Awareness is judgement.
The human condition is one big fat judgement.
And all judgements lead to violence? C’mon….
I think there is a difference between verbal and physical violence. A BIG difference.
The concept of “NVC” (and especially writing books about it and creating followers around it) is a judgement in itself that says: this is better than other forms of communication because violence is wrong and people who are violent should read this book. We should all want peace on earth because Jesus and Gandhi said so and they were so great human beings and blablabablaa… although both got assassinated.
Do you see the problem here?
And the example dialogues in the book are just laughable at best. Who really wants to communicate like this? It seems manipulative to me. If someone ever communicates like this to me I would just say “shut the fuck up and tell me what what you really want to say”. Yes, it’s called honesty. It’s brutal. It’s simple. It’s clear. And it feels great.
Look around.
We live in a violent world. Western culture, capitalism, whatever you wanna call it…. it’s based on greed, competition and consumption. It’s violent at its core. Our beliefs, values, thoughts, behaviors are based on our environment/culture. We have been brainwashed since the womb to fight this never-ending battle and serve as obedient soldiers in the corrupt system we are all enslaved by. It’s violence. It’s dishonesty. But it’s the way it is. Solution: don’t have children and die asap.
But I will give the book 2 stars because I do think we should all be more honest and empathetic with each other concerning our needs, our feelings, etc. Just forget about all the non violence, non judgement, horse droppings. And don’t take this (or anything for that matter) to seriously.
Have a drink.
Enjoy life.
Blow a load.
Preferably with strangers.
The idea of “peace on earth” is a violent concept and utmost ignorance against nature because it violates and judges the laws the govern life on this earth. Nature is violent. Suffering is an inevitable fact of life. So is violence. Stop playing God and thinking humans are somehow above violence, we’re not. Embrace it. Accept it. Move on.