Life has gotten real.
I am sitting in my Dublin home. It is cold in here. I am wearing a coat and gloves and a hat to be more warm.
I am listening to The Beatles.
Eating Heinz beans.
Looking for work for a performing musician on my mac.
I have 20 days to gather about 300 euros so I have enough to pay rent. If I do a few weekends of busking I should make at least that. Didn’t do it last weekend because I was depressed. Tried doing today (it’s monday) but it’s not good during the day. I don’t have amplification, the sound I make is drowned out my all the people walking by. Everybody is too busy. If I had amplification or entertained people would stop. I played for 30mins on Grafton and i made about 50 cents. On the weekend that would be 20-40 euros.
I am still going to the gym mon-fri, I have committed to pay 75€/month for this. It is worth it and no matter how depressed I get i will still do that since I know I am paying for it.
From March 2009 it will be okay because I will start doing cruiseships again. They are not as bad as I say. Although everytime I have done one I want to die.
Just need some securtity about near future. I am sure the long run it will be good. But now is now.
Still eating healthily. Still writing.
I have a girlfriend. She is amazing. I don’t know what I would’ve done to myself in the last few weeks without her. It’s not a healthy thing to rely on another person this much.
Well, gotta get my act together.
The Beatles played covers also before they started ruling the world. So did Dylan. So did Jeff Buckley.
It’s not that bad.
Everything will be alright.
So I keep telling myself.
I wish I could do that when I am really down.
When I am down I want everybody to be down and then when they are down I feel even more down because I am guilty of making them feel down so I try to make them feel better and then I feel better. What a healthy cycle.
One day I am gonna look at this time and reflect how funny it was that I was always freezing and broke and depressed.
CIAO.