Nov 18, 2008

My radiator does not work anymore. Cold house, yay! I really don’t even know what is going on with anything anymore. I am in such a strange place in my life. I really don’t know what I should be doing. I am going home for christmas and I don’t know if I want to come back here to Ireland. I feel I haven’t reached my goals this year. Honestly, I don’t even remember what my goals even were. So far I only have a one way ticket out of here. I want to travel and be free. I have been trying to live a somewhat normal life for the past months (paying bills, eating ‘meals’, relationship, gulp…routine) although most people wouldn’t call my life normal since I don’t have a day job. I know if I leave I will miss it all. My whole life has been ‘missing’ things. Maybe I am the one that is missing. I have been missing myself since I was born. I really just want to write songs but i am not interested in the celebrity/fame thing or in other words wearing sunglasses inside or when it’s not sunny. Are my beliefs delusional? I wanna be a giant stuffed teddy bar who hugs people beside toy stores. I think people should just play more monopoly, drink more wheatgrass and let women rule for the next millenium. Happiness is a gift. I feel like eating freshly baked bread so hot that the butter melts. mmmm. Two things that annoy me: 1) tv on that nobody watches, 2) lights on that nobody is seeing with. Gotta go write a letter to Santa now. I’ll let you know.