Last night I was hired to play a solo show at a Kebab restaurant where they have a beautiful summer garden. Didn’t really know what to expect. Unfortunately the weather was terrible (raining and cold), the garden was empty. I didn’t promote the show because it was a little out of the city and I thought they have their own crowd. So I played inside the restaurant. There were two people listening: the event organizer and my girlfriend. A little embarassing but funny also. I even called my girlfriend to not come when I found out what the situation is (they also forgot to provide equipment for amplification), telling her it’s a little embarassing and amateurish. But she persisted and said she wants to be embarassed with me. Sweet girl…
Sometimes these are the kinds of things I have to face as a musician who is not (yet) famous. Sometimes I assume that everything will be organized professionally and that I don’t have to demand the basic criteria to be met. But they paid me well (150€), and I just took it as an opportunity to practise my songs for a few hours. It’s still a pretty good way to earn money. I get paid to play music to people (most of the time more than two, lol). I support myself by doing this, although some months it’s tough. I don’t have a dayjob. Or a boss. Can’t complain much.
Ultimately, playing in bars and restaurants is not what I want to do. It’s okay for now but I want much more than this. But it takes an enormous amount of time, energy and patience to advance to the next level. My music career thus far has been a very sporadic affair. Although I’ve continuously been writing and practising since I was a kid, the professional mindset has entered the picture only recently and met with great resistance. While growing up I just kind of assumed that if I just play, everything else will happen on its own. And that success and fame and glory will come knocking on my door. Maybe it works like this for some but I think in most cases, to truly become successful in the mainstream music scene demands a lot of work (like in any pursuit).
Even to get to this point has taken a lot of time. I haven’t had a day job since 2006 when I quit my record store job that summer to go travelling. Although I’ve worked the odd summer job since then, mostly it’s been music. And only for the last 16 months have I been able to actually pay my rent and buy food from purely playing my own songs to people. So the 10,000 hour or 10 year rule to become a professional/expert at something is quite accurate. I still have a few years to go to get to 10 years when it comes to performing and recording professionally. But regarding the hours spent playing altogether, I’ve probably reached it and even exceeded it by god knows how much.
I can’t comprehend how some people can become so successful at such a young age. It’s difficult to relate to that for me. I guess I’m a slow learner. The first 30 years of my life felt like I was just seeing what there is on offer in this world (I’m 31 now). You know, just trying things out. Getting some experience under my belt. Seeing which rollercoaster is the most fun. Just hanging out, kicking back, enjoying my life and wondering why most people wait until they are 70 to retire. And why they decide so early on what they will do and then settle for that. I wouldn’t count on planning for anything that far into the future. I barely know what will happen next week.
I’m very grateful that I’ve had the chance to mature and grow without being in the spotlight of the world. That would be a nightmare. No wonder many famous people are so messed up. And even die prematurely… I used to look up to these guys like Morrison, Cobain, Hendrix, etc. Now I just see that they were kids who got swallowed by their own immaturity. And blinded by success too much too soon. Sad. Don’t get me wrong, I still love their music and have great respect for their talents as musicians and what they achieved on that level. But as human beings, they were failures and amateurs in the highest sense.
I used to want to be a rock star when I was a teenager. I wanted it because it looked like a fun party to be apart of. The money, pretty girls, touring the world, etc. Maybe it still is fun. But as the years went by, I realized that there is something deeper and far more rewarding that is on offer here. And thus, music became a sort of spiritual path for me.
This path is about more than just music. Music is just a tool for something deeper. Even the pursuit of recognition, reputation and the desires which drive such goals are all just attempts at laying the groundwork for something else. Once these affairs are in order we can step out of the cave and see what’s on the outside.
That’s where I am now. On that path. This whole process itself is the highest reward. It’s unique for each but also the same in many ways.
Wherever it may lead…
