will i ever miss this moment?
like i miss those autumn leaves
when you walked around with some girl
you might be falling for
if only you knew what she was thinking of
that hopeless love
if only you knew how to be perfect
that elusive call
to have it all
i am reminded of when we were so naive
that excitement burning red
with those brown autumn leaves
you just wanna go in for the kiss
feel your skins collide
if only i would’ve known back then
that those are the moments
we feel most alive
if only i would’ve thanked the gods
for having it all
we get older and wise
forever chasing those highs
those autumn leaves
of years gone by
the way her cold, shivering voice trembled from her lips
when she called you to tell you sweet things
how every phone call lasted forever
and you never wanted it to end
left a calm glow in your heart
that maybe she feels the same way
those youthful dreams imprisoned me
now miss the longing for someone
miss the foolishness of misunderstood love
miss the stumbling first kisses
miss the nude explorations
miss the awful poetry
now it’s as if something is missing
get so lost we go missing
free from all this missing
or maybe we just go insane
these words can never seem to find
the right things to say
as the summer fades away
i will be reminded again
how i miss those snowstorms when school was cancelled
and you could stay inside and play video games all day
how i miss being more than friends
with some girl you wrote poems about 20 years too late
how i miss my friends i’ve met everywhere and all our craziness
and all the terrible hangovers and sleepless nights
wandering around drunk in vegas past all the elvis chapels
and arriving to work too late because you woke up that morning in the wrong city
how i miss missing someone, something, anything,
always wanting happiness and immortality
for every creature that ever lived
even the rocks and lava that sleeps for millions of years
will i ever miss this moment?
will i ever miss sitting here
typing away and exploring my experience
while everyone is at work or at summer cottages
will i miss being so lost and broken and overwhelmed with options
will i miss having all this time?
like i miss all those endless promises made by people who thought we get credit for being good
who thought they wanted to help me and did it all they could
but how nobody ever really did anything because they were too busy with their own lives
how it taught me to want nothing more than to rely only on myself in the end
will i miss this moment?
or is this the only thing that is real?
and what if Noah Cicero is right
that there’s nothing to do
and no one to be
this poem/song was supposed to save me and save us all
but i failed again and so the gods laugh at us all
and i wish all technology died of a sudden heart attack
and all the books and songs and films and paintings and poems
disappeared
free at last
bartender, pour me another one
more, please
lets get this party started
lets fuck it all up
now we are all alone
smiles faded
we meet old friends for drinks
and think about the past
married to people that bore us
the days gather like dust and turn into years
all we can do now is wait it out
just get through the day
almost secretly wish that we will fall asleep
never wake up again