Spent today at Nuuksio national park with my cousin who drove down to helsinki to pick me up in the morning. It was nice a place although there were surprisingly many mosquitoes in the forests. We walked about 6km and then chilled out and ate some dates, nuts and talked about life and caught up since i don’t have a phone anymore so we hadn’t talked for about a month.
Before we went to the park we ate at Chico’s restaurant where I had a veggie burger with sweet potato fries and after the park we went to a pizzeria where I had falafel with fries. Occasionally I have been eating cheese and dairy or eggs if they are contained in restaurant food (like in the veggie burger meal which contained cheese) which is the only thing that prevents me from being completely vegan.
But to be honest every time I do this, I feel a little bad and know that eventually these have to also be left behind. But again, I am trying to make the changes in my life slowly and gradually instead of everything at once which didn’t work for me before. Or maybe this is just an excuse to feed old addictions. Not sure.
Now it’s almost 7 in the evening, I feel quite drained energetically. I usually feel this way when I spend the day around people (even ones whose company I don’t mind) and eat not so healthy food (which seems to be what most people do). There is some disturbance in the force. I know it will pass as it always does. I hope that eventually my own positive energy and strength will be so great that this will spread into other people and who knows maybe it already does. My cousin did tell me soon after we met this morning that I seem unusually balanced… which is true because I do feel that way these days.
I also know that the world is wrong in so many ways. And I know most people are quite confused and struggle to make sense of everything that is going on or understanding their own purpose and place in this great big mess. I really want to help people but I have these ideals that I can’t seem to even live up to myself although hopefully one day I can as I get stronger and stronger. But I usually get a little carried away when i start talking about these ideals to others and making it seem like I am forcing my opinions on them. I lose that balance. The calmness fades. As the saying goes: Don’t be troubled if the temptation to give advice is irresistable; the ability to ignore it is universal.
It’s not about highs and lows anymore but going from plateau to plateau. And it’s not about converting or persuading others to follow the way. That is not my job. I can only inform. The deepest lessons come from learning what we already know. I know my direction; towards freedom. As one of my mentors taught me (and showed me): I will wait for others but not with them. Hence, there is no cause for worry nor do I even have time for it.