For 36 years I have been brainwashed to believe in a certain way of life. Somewhere along the way, I started questioning these ways because when I looked around, I saw most people as confused, bloated, inflamed, ignorant, addicted, frustrated, reactionary, superficial, fat, bitter, lazy, and dumb. I wasn’t sure if they were like this willingly or was it something in the water. Something was not right.
I knew I had to find another way to live in this world and decided early on in my life that I don’t want to become one of these “most” people. I would rather die. What I didn’t know is how difficult things would get. I had to deprogram myself from all the garbage beliefs stuck in my head that were governing all my choices. The way we eat. The way we think. The way we communicate. The way we move. The way we learn. The way we work. The way we breathe even. It was all profoundly wrong and extremely detrimental not only to us as individuals, but also to our planet. It’s like I was part of a cult and I suddenly wanted out. Easier said than done! You can check out any time you like but you can never leave..
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So I started on my own path when I was about 15 and haven’t really looked back since. It has been lonely as hell at times and certainly taken me to the edges of sanity. At times I have been close to giving up and giving in to just live like everyone else. But once you go far enough, you cross a line at a certain point and reach a point of no return. At best you are caught in between two worlds but not really here nor there. At worst you feel like there is nothing left and all hope is gone so you kill yourself. I believe that is the only reason anyone ever commits suicide. I’ve been at that point many times but somehow I survived. Or the parts of me did that matter.
Although scary, it’s also been immensely rewarding and exciting to live this way, not really knowing what will happen next. I like to keep things open in case inspiration wants to crash the party. I have been very fortunate in coming across some brilliant people, wise mentors and other fellow travelers along the way who shared my vision and hunger. It’s like there is a deeper language that everyone speaks, once we drop the masks and roles. That’s probably why I became a musician. Music is the language of the gods. Our great works of art throughout human history, are the clues left behind whether it’s Picasso paintings or Hendrix wailing on Machine Gun. Or what Leonard Cohen called the crumbs of love.
My work as an artist/performer is my duty as a human being to share with other genuine seekers everything I have learned: my struggles, failures, dreams, nightmares, ghosts, angels, demons, saints, heartbreaks, etc. There is great beauty in this world and it is worth everything to go after it and live from it once you find it. Beauty transcends even death. Just a taste will leave you yearning for more. It is the greatest drug there is. Wanting more is what drives us towards the light and redemption. This is the will that keeps us alive even when we sometimes feel like it’s fading.
Human nature (for artists especially) is one of imagination and repeated attempts at capturing that which will forever remain elusive to our grasping minds. Some guys have huge dongs. Others have huge songs. Some girls love huge dongs. Others turn songs into their dongs so that all the boys and girls can sing along to the dongsongs. And men like me watch from the shadows with serpent tongues firing lightning poetry into your blackvoid souls, right up the spine into the CROWN light jewel where all the people sing awe! Amen motherfucker.
I’m very grateful that you are all on this journey with me. I know sometimes my output can seem a little negative or too intense when things get too heavy. But by sharing my raw feelings at these times and turning it all into something that others can experience (and perhaps learn from) is a way to expose the shadows and shed light on our old friend mister darkness. Sometimes the truth will piss you off and your ego will do everything it can to deny its own shortcomings. Light burns and shines and hurts and blinds. All shadows and darkness is merely an absence of light. Blablaablaa.
Don’t underestimate the power of giving voice to others who are also struggling and lost. That is what great art is all about. It consoles and comforts yet inspires and encourages us to surrender to the forces of life, so we can go deeper and further than ever before. If you have the curse/gift of creative talent and skill, I encourage you to treat it as the most sacred honor and privilege this life can offer. You are one of the chosen ones. And if not, help those like me who are sacrificing everything for the preservation of this ancient lost dreamer/warrior/wizard archetype. We are the last of a dying breed. Everyday is Halloween and this could all be yours one day.
I still have great hope for humanity. I think it’s possible to live in this crazy world of ours as a free thinking individual, full of joy, power, honesty, wellness, honor, and humor. That life you always dreamed of (yet maybe were to afraid to fully believe in), is possible for you. Don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise. If they do, it’s time to part ways and continue without them. It’s time to join me on this quest. Kiss the mirror baby.
Sometimes we fall and that is okay. Part of the game. The important thing is to keep getting up, keep creating and sharing and surrendering to love and truth. Keep going. Get better. Grow. Learn. Accept. Empower others relentlessly with your story and wisdom. Wisdom comes from survival so every day you are more wise. Once you dedicate your existence to living like this, your eventual passing will bring new meaning into our world. People will remember you forever and ever until the sun dies and all of this goes back in the great box of nothingness where we all come from. Also know as NOW.
Give everything but never give up.
I am the Dark Lord of Self Help.
Love,
MN