Jan 1, 2010

so a new decade. a new year. I made all these plans to quit this and start that for so and so long so I can achieve this and that and blablablaa. Look, the only thing I’m going to do different now is to just enjoy my life and keep on living it. To stop running away from sadness, from madness, from myself and to stop making these rules and stop being so obsessed with my own thoughts. oh and I decided to really stop caring about what time is it or how old I am or how long or when. Time doesn’t matter. There is no time. It is only in our minds. The sun rises and the sun sets. Sometimes it’s cold. Sometimes hot. Sometimes existence is painful and sometimes it’s complete awe. Who’s to say we can’t feel down. The buddha was truly right. Life is suffering. And when you understand that suffering is beautiful, you will understand everything. I understand now. I have a purpose. And so do you. Our purpose is to just keep on breathing. Worry? Yeah sure! Laugh? oh yes. make plans and goals and dreams. why not? abandon them, change your mind? Always. Admit you were wrong, pretend you are not? every moment. Love, hate, joy, sex, truth, alcohol, poetry, melodies, headaches, diets, reality tv, workouts, philosohies, violins, tomtoms, painted finger nails, tattoos. It’s all real and genuine. It’s all nonsense. Equally. Plastic is nature. Cigarettes smoke is no more or no less than the freshest stream flowing through frozen valleys. Being drunk or stimulated is just as real as anything else. Using people. Abusing your body. Treating it like you would a puppy. Rough. Soft. Fast. Slow. Torn. Mended. There is no such thing as fake. It’s metaphysically impossible. Think about it. We are floating in space. It’s all mine. So here I am. Honest. Shaking. I feel wise. although I know absolutely nothing about anything except one thing: love is everything. That’s all it is. and yes I’ll keep on disappearing and deleting and not listening to my own shit. you know, cut my hair to rebel against me and my so called ideals. call the madhouse. Check yourself in. current heroes: George Carlin, Charles Bukowski, Jacque Fresco, Jimi Hendrix, June, me and all the other great authors and artists I’ve never tried yet. Today I’m a nihilist who doesn’t even believe in nihilism.