When you were born, you were pure love, but you were born into a world that suppresses this state. You then got hurt. You experienced rejection, invalidation and painful losses of love.
The presence or absence of this love seems to be a function of what happens around you, but it’s not. It’s a function of how you relate to what happens. In other words, the presence or absence of love is a function of you.
You have the ability to create a life that works for you instead of against you. You can have love in every relationship and in every aspect of your life. However, to do this, you need to grow in your awareness. You need to heal inside and you need to take some action.
Ultimately, the avoidance of this hurt is responsible for all your self-sabotaging behavior and all your suffering.
If you have an area of life where you suffer, you have a condition of unworkability. This condition may seem to be caused by your circumstances, but it’s not.
Your circumstances are not the problem. They are just a symptom of something much deeper. The real problem is an underlying fear that forces you to interact in a way that creates your circumstances.
This fear produces a state of tunnel vision that destroys your ability to see clearly. All you can do is fight, resist, hang on or withdraw. This in turn destroys love and sabotages this area of your life.
Finding and healing this fear is the key to having life work. Until you do this, you will be forced to repeat the past and your condition of unworkability will continue.
When you are in a state of fear and upset, you destroy your ability to see what needs to be done. You close down and get tunnel vision. All you can do is to fight, resist, hang on, or withdraw. Almost any action you take in this state makes your situation worse.
You automatically fought the notion that you created and you fought all the hurt that came with it. From that moment on, the underlying focus of your life would be to avoid this hurt.
Unfortunately, you can’t avoid it. As long as this suppressed hurt is in you, it’s going to get triggered. The moment this happens, you feel threatened.
Instantly you become full of fear and upset. You close down and lose your ability to see clearly. You also get tunnel vision. You get tunnel vision because, subconsciously, the only thing that you are interested in is how to remove this threat.
It’s this tunnel vision that sabotages your life.
When we get upset, it looks like the upset is caused by what happened, but this is an illusion. Upsets are not caused by what happens. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happens.
The process for finding and healing this hurt is relatively simple and very non-confronting. This is because the hurt isn’t based on what happened in your life. It’s based on the thoughts you made up as a result of what happened. Once this illusion is exposed, the hurt loses power and you become free.
Once you find and heal this hurt, the areas of your life that don’t work automatically begin to clear up. The tunnel vision disappears and so does the fear and upset. You restore your ability to see clearly. You become creative, resourceful and able to discover solutions you could never have seen before.
We fight what happens, because our circumstances trigger a suppressed hurt from the past. To say this another way, our circumstances strike a nerve.
This is why different people get upset at different things. Different people have different sets of nerves that get triggered. This is also why the same type of upsets and the same self-sabotaging behavior keep showing up in your life. The same suppressed hurt keeps getting triggered.
It’s the automatic, subconscious avoidance of this hurt that sabotages our lives. Finding and healing this hurt is one of the most important things you can ever do.
Whenever some circumstance comes along and hints that you really are this way, you will automatically feel threatened. Instantly, you become full of fear and upset. You get tunnel vision. All you can do is fight, resist, hang on or withdraw. This in turn destroys love and sabotages your life.
You try to push the hurt away, but you can’t. The hurt isn’t outside of you. It’s inside. So, in your attempt to push the hurt away, you actually push the hurt deeper inside.
You suppress your hurt. You then spend the rest of your life running from the very hurt that you suppressed. But you can’t get away from it. You will continue to experience these feelings whether you like it or not.
As long as you have this hurt, it will get triggered. Your only choice is to feel it willingly like a child or to feel it unwillingly. When you feel your hurt willingly, the hurt loses power and disappears. When you fight the hurt, it turns into pain and stays.
So feel your hurt willingly like a child. Keep telling yourself, “It’s okay to feel the hurt. It’s okay.” Let the hurt come and let it go. Cry as hard as you can. Crying is the most powerful tool for releasing hurt.
