feeling a bit funky this morning. still got lots of room for improvement regarding my nutrition, routine, lifestyle, etc. sometimes i just get frustrated but able to pull myself out of the fog quite quickly. or just to accept and move on, keep working, keep living.
can’t seem to find a way in to the music/entertainment marketplace. i look at what is happening online and i dabble with different ideas and concepts. should i join the party or keep laying low, working on my craft? the answer is not clear to me.
and if i do start pumping out content, what am i really creating? do i want to be another lost voice in the wilderness, ranting and raving about the lunacy of modern society? or do i want to create a soothing tiger balm for the spirit of man in the form of songs, poetry and short films? i am leaning more and more towards the latter. it is the hard road to take. the slow road. that’s why it is difficult to commit to because it demands more from me yet promises less reward at least in the short run.
it’s almost 8am and i am having my morning tea while listening to ravel. read a few chapters of gospel of luke from new testament. honestly i think the bible is a bunch of bullshit. from a literary standpoint its not very well written. it’s frustrating for me to read it when i know so many center their whole lives around it. it’s a cult and makes you dumber.
i want to find people i can actually engage with. that’s why i would like to take part in the lunacy aspect of social media. debates and reaction vids and rants about life, love, politics and art. but that might be my ego talking.
osho says to say yes to everything. that is the only way to embrace life in all its fullness and truly believe in god. going by this definition most humans are atheists living in fear mode even if they call themselves believers. they believe in what suits their interests.
god is something far more radical.
the problem with osho’s approach and pretty much what all the enlightened gurus say is that it justifies cruelty and injustice. in other words, anyone can do whatever they want. if you are attached to outcomes you can be a serial killer and say that you are no longer part of karma, that is just your ego. you are the great witness and all goes.
i think osho is right but it’s not the whole truth. spirituality is only half of the truth. we still live in a materialist plane. i don’t know if life is essentially material or non-material. is it all just energy? i honestly do not know. but i think morality comes into play here. and no this doesn’t mean we have to violate the spiritual principle of acceptance. we can do both: accept and evolve.
acceptance and saying yes to reality is the spiritual game. but our actions and choices also have consequences in the \”real\” world which i call the material game. and that’s why veganism makes the most sense to me as an all-encompassing way of life for the superior human because it extends rights to all sentient beings. without doing that we are hypocrites.
i’m having a hard time engaging people on this topic. it seems to be worse than ever. even most vegans i know are just in it for the trend or health. they would rather just go on living their lives and enjoy all the vegan products and vegan friends. but it’s also these shallow people who usually drop out at the first sign of lethargy and then eat fish and voila, apparently that was the solution to all their problems. from the outside i still see the same confused and out of shape individual.
there seems to be a kind of spiritual constipation running rampant. the energy is not flowing. this sounds a little woowoo and it might be. but like i said, spirituality is half the truth and important. everything begins in the mind, the thoughts, emotions, ideas. humans are mathematicians and poets. we thrive in abstractions. even language is a form of abstract symbolism of shapes and sounds we adopt with our eyes, mouths and ears. and in the case of music, our whole bodies (dance, groove, rhythm).
i crave for deep conversations about all this. i want to be challenged. but i also don’t really enjoy mindless chit chat and gossip if it never goes anywhere deeper. that’s why i am no longer dating, i find most women (like men) really dull and boring, just blabbering on about trivialities and more focused on their selfies then saving the world.
these topics require skill and finesse to navigate without getting into war mode where one is defending while the other is attacking. now that i think of it, i am okay with that too. i want to be wrong. or i want to be right with someone else.
gonna continue my day now. check emails and then log in and do the entrance exam for a few business schools i am applying for. all this stuff happens online these days. one of the schools i am applying for is kinda cool because it involves wellness which is apparently a new thing in business. a few hours from where i live there is this new state-of-the-art wellness center where they can measure all kinds of things for data on fitness/health. this caught my attention. because i am \”unemployed\” i need to either look for work or go study to keep the money coming. i told them i am starting a company and getting a bachelor’s degree. they were happy to hear that and said i just need to have a plan (i have lots of plans but they keep changing). i am also supposed to be looking for a psychotherapist but like i have already told you, they are all incompetent.
onwards and upwards.