fucking hell i am in a bad cycle
been microdosing last 3-4 months
drinking on the off days
and lots of xanax last few weeks
feel like total zombie
coffee in the morning
none of these are helping me
need to quit all drugs for 2023
get back to making music
last two months have been really bad depression/anxiety
no motivation to do anything
no energy
no hope
went too deep into rabbitholes again
deleted telegram
all these conspiracy thinkers are bad for me
just fear and someone selling something
i honestly dont trust any of them anymore
internet is a cesspool for all kinds of scammers
even the alternative platforms
i need to just make music, read novels, watch movies
happy for you tho that you reconnected with family
i spent xmas completely alone
turn 40 next year
asking myself wtf is the point of my life
no wife, no friends, no money, no nothing
all i got is these songs man
and i have been writing the best ones this year
especially since sept
fuck the worse my life gets, the better the songs lol
what a cruel twist of fate
now just need to record them
Travel
play my songs to people
nothing else matters
Heard Bardo is a great film
this was the worst year of my life
Time to get my shit together
sorry for the rant
just needed to communicate with someone
i am lost man
maybe i should come visit you
Anyways, proud of ya for finding the joy and living a great life
enjoy the rest of the year
Just need to get back to the songs.
The work is exhausting but needs to be done.
Everything else is a distraction
Gonna order a home piano on thomann
Need to have a piano around me otherwise CUCKOOO