Going off the rails again with mental states. Don’t really wanna write but thought this will be good for the grandkids when the big daddy is long gone lonesome blues. You will understand who i was. Crazy genius artist fuckup madman somewhere between broke and billionaire. Much closer to the former!
Just got an email that Coldplay is coming to Finland. I feel excited and jealous. One of my favorite bands but what the hell is wrong with me that I can’t build an organization, a band, all that shit. Make albums in proper studios and tour the world. Live in mansions and date hot celebrities. I do think my new upcoming songs are higher level and I’m a better musician. But they appeal to the masses. What can you do. And i cant even afford the tickets. FUCK THE GOVERNMENT! but thanks for feeding me.
Was supposed to go see some friends in Helsinki and western finland to enjoy the summer. Said yes when i meant no. Why i do keep doing that? I have zero charisma its all fake. Maybe that’s why i am not famous. The taleny scouts saw me and thought this guy is too wild and upredictable. He might have some hits but we wont be able to control him if he goes looney tunes. They were right!
Anyways, booked train tickets and everything. Even paid extra to change the damn thing to go few days earlier. But terrible anxiety kept me up way past midnight and i usually go to bed around 22
FUCK THIS SHIT NOBODY WANTS TO READ ABOUT YOUR STUPID PROBLEMS
COME BACK WHEN YOU ARE READY TO BE INSPIRING AGAIN
YOU FUCKING LOSER
post abandoned.
(nothings changed, you have been away from social media for 3 months and you are just more unstable than ever… you are too weak for this game kid. Go back to your shredding excercises and torrented movies and ufc interviews and vegan sausages)
ALL PLANS CANCELLED
ALL DREAMS CANCELLED
ALL ALBUMS CANCELLED
ALL BOOKS CANCELLED
ALL HOPES CANCELLED
I got nothing.
Chris Martin and his beautiful songs… he is a great songwriter though. It’s a successful businesss. Their albums area great. Just feel like they are my alternative timeline or something… if only I could’ve done something like that.
YOU STILL CAN. Don’t give up.
Don’t let this negative bullshit eat you alive.
You will get through this.
Just takes some time for the anxiety storm to pass.
(OKay we are back…. post unabandoned, plans uncancelled).
Get healthy.
Heal your traumas and childhood stuff.
keep reading those books.
I know it’s painful.
Listen mate, you got a 15kg serpent living in your colon, gut, system… you will never win until you do a proper cleanse. And you will start it soon. So finish your vegan junk foods. You got 11 days left.
August
September
October
November
December
5 months for detox
Do what you can with everything else: writing, online business, recording songs, making vids, reading self help books and some Miller/Bukowski now and then to not get too wobbly
UFC, movies, shows… for entertainment while practising guitar and doing mobility
Running, calisthenics, stretching, walking…
You got it all
Juicer
Blender
Sprouter
Yoga mat
Guitars
Mics
Computers
Software
Internet
You get free money from the goverment so you can focus on your projects and your healing 100%
Yeah, you’re raping the system but hey you didnt invent or ask to be born
You are a messenger of the SUN GODS
your new songs are next level and you fucking know it!!
But start saying NO
Be clear.
Whatever it is.
Committ to nothing but your own healing and projects
This is the way it has to be for now.
Only connect with those who you trust and who get what you are doing.
You dont have time and energy to debate and explain right now…. that can come later.
Get your youtube going next month. Document the journey.
You have also:
Camcorder
Detox herbs/supplements
Hifi stereo
Cds, books, movies, music, shows, documentaries
Youtube
Social media
it’s all there to help you
Kindle with a backlight!
Still have 2-3 months to enjoy training outside, then its back to the gym…
Life is good
YOU ARE A MAN OF THE LIGHT
GOD MODE
Get focused again.
Post this
Finish your decaf
Then pick up guitar.
GET BACK TO WORK
Or write your book.
I’m glad you finished this post. It gave you some clarity.
I am your higher self. And you are okay. It’s okay. It will get better. You know it.
This was a crucial learning step. Sometimes they will come unexpectedly.
Like angels out of the ether
in the form of people, events, opportunities…
You will make mistakes
But this time you broke the patterns.
You did something different.
You didn’t succumb to the demons.
That is a excellent work.
You recognized the misalignment.
Yes its painful i know i get it
But this is the way you heal
Healing will bring calm
Even writing that sentence is healing
Your thoughts are very powerful…
KEEP GOING
Now post this and get back to your day (well this is part of it of course).
And keep showing up here to write these…
Be who you are
No need to pretend you are some woowoo master or kindness milkman
You are a crazy artist warrior poet mystic Lord of the depths
Have fun with it
Are you unreliable and unstable ? YES!!!
But so what???
You are committed to something much deeper
You serve the muse
Nobody else.
Let others play their mind games and think of you what they want… who gives a fuck??
They will love your songs.
And those who want to embark on the healing journey will one day find this and it will help them.
TRUST THE GODS
YES!!!!
Thank you
Sorry
you’re welcome
LOVE
TRUTH
FREEDOM
HAPPINESS
JOY
POWER
world peace
You are vegan, be proud of that.
Sober for 45 days now and counting
You are doing great!!!!
Proud of you.
Love,
United States of Higher Selves
(dont edit this just leave it as is… raw… unfiltered… BEAUTIFUL)
