Cold showers.

I woke up this morning feeling more tired than yesterday although I went to sleep much earlier last night. Either I slept too much (8.5 hours) or I didn’t sleep well, not sure which. I remember waking up a few times feeling like it must be time to get up already, only to see that it’s only 3am and I still have 3 hours left to sleep (I remember enjoying that feeling). It could also be that my alarm went off in the middle of a sleep cycle. 

But I did get up and immediately started to think about the cold shower to come with a sense of dread. I sat up in bed after turning off the alarm and briefly considered going back to sleep. But I knew that my future success is on the line so got my ass up. 

I peed and threw on my bathrobe, went downstairs to the shower room, did a straight arm plank for 5-6 deep breaths to get a little warm and then turned on the shower at it’s coldest setting. I could feel my breathing getting deeper as the fear increased. I started to hyperventilate because I saw Wim Hof doing it on the internet. 

I told myself you can fucking do it. You are unstoppable. Other voice said fuck this is gonna hurt. After some hesitation, I got under there and tried to get my whole body immersed as quickly as possible, my hair, my cock, my balls, etc. I did a little pirouette like a confused lightning bolt, and then got out, drying myself and getting back into the bathrobe. 

Yesterday it felt worse, I thought. I could’ve gone for longer. 

I thought it might be good to learn some breathing techniques to make this easier. But perhaps the cold shower is most effective when we have no technique. Just raw sensation. Survival instinct kicking in for 5-10 seconds. Not listening to my comfort seeking self. Fuck you comfort. I want to suffer. Suffering is my teacher. 

I wonder now what it would look like to film people going under the cold shower and somehow remove the shower from the shot in post-editing and just compile a bunch of video of brutal cold shower dances, one agonising shriek after another for 4 minutes to a really beautiful acoustic ballad.

Anyways. It’s day two. It’s been a good day so far although had to take a power nap because I was so sleepy. Still snowing outside here in Finland. 

I love winter.