I’ve been writing and recording my own songs since 1998. Since then I’ve been involved in numerous projects and travelled around many places, performing and just doing my thing. Doing my best I guess. But apparently with unreasonable expectations regarding myself, my art, the gods, the world and everyone in it. Doomed perhaps in this eternal pursuit of mastery. They told me to calm down but instead I doubled up. Now it’s too late. My new songs are coming for you!
MY FIRST RODEO
So far, success in the “music industry” has eluded me although I haven’t necessarily ever been focused on that per se. Just assumed that’s what happens eventually when you get your ducks in a row. But my erratic nature and uncompromising attitude towards the creative process led to a breadcrumb trail of failed relationships, botched opportunities, self-sabotage and all kinds of quackery, chasing leads that often led nowhere. Eventually this all took a heavy toll on my psyche and body.
THE FAILED PRETENDER
So in late 2018, I walked off into the Pyrenees mountains in France. The last six years were spent with all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, putting humpty dumpty back together again. I lived quietly, playing guitar, writing songs, eating snow, watching movies, reading books and studying the inner and outer worlds. No stones were left unturned except during winters when they were hard to find. It was awesome. But I knew it was eventually time to return to society and flaunt my mane again. My wilderness years were over. For now…
SOMEWHERE IN FRANCE/SPAIN…
I’ve always felt supremely confident as an artist but completely worthless as a man. My obsession with playing instruments, writing/recording and immersing myself in the arts brings the kind of thrills (highs and lows) that makes everything else seem quite trivial in comparison, a pale imitation at best. The best way to explain this is with the songs themselves. Experience is beyond thought or knowledge. This is what drives the artist to create and share. Besides, I suck at everything else. At least with music, I have a chance.
MANY RODEOS LATER…
It’s good to be back living in the city. The world feels closer somehow although I’m still a million light years away. Got a lot of songs brewing, more keep coming. I almost wish they would stop because it’s a lot of work. I often need to remind myself to enjoy the overwhelming abundance of this great gift. That is also what the songs are for: reminders of the magic and power of art (for me and for you). I’m also working on a few books, a film (bought a camcorder few years ago) and a bunch of other stuff. So plenty of work to keep me busy and (hopefully) keep this glorious madness at bay. Someone’s gotta do the dirty work and save the world right?
HIGHWAY MAN
One of the biggest challenges on this path is managing all this creative input/output ie. the god juice. There’s no manual or self help book for this shit. The men in white coats wanna sedate me. The men in suits want me to be their dancing monkey. But I only answer to the Gods of Love, fully locked and loaded in the heart of darkness. I serve the muse and nobody else! Music is my religion.
SHOW PONY
This whole process is honestly quite a mystery to me. Why bother with any of it is anybody’s guess. Survival? Sanity? Salvation? I don’t know man. Sometimes I forget who or what I’m even singing for. Until the song begins and then it all makes sense again. Just press play. Turn it up. Close your eyes. Step into the inner sunshine. Bathe in the sonic glow. Can I get an amen? Or a woman…
DREAM TEAM
In 2025 i’m gonna put together an incredible live band of musicians/dancers here in Helsinki after the cold brutal winter is over. We are gonna travel the continents, sail the seas, singing, playing, dancing and entertaining/inspiring you with everything we’ve got. There will of course be auditions for the best gig on the planet so start practising your chops if you wanna join. The carnival is coming to town!
NEVER TRUST A POET
Now just gotta find the courage to go out there into the crazy world and confront the bipolar bear demons in my head through the power of poetry, song and performance art. Maybe someday I will make you all proud as long as I avoid turning into Harry’s mom from Requiem For A Dream. Until then, lets fucking rock!
TOODELOO