Big Bertha

How do you deal with feelings of envy & jealousy? Often my negative emotions overwhelm me. This sends me down a spiral of dark thoughts towards self-loathing. Need help. I think i skipped the part in my youth where we learn this stuff and mature emotionally. Numbed myself with drink, drugs, travel, women, mucus, pus, etc to just chase certain states. I feel like I should be more successful than I am. Then again, success can also drive complacency. I prioritized other things in life like spirituality and digging really deep when it comes to truth and love. But I am confident the rewards of this choice will be reaped. I trust the love supreme. Not this material populist garbage that is an endless chase towards oblivion. Here’s a mantra I wrote on my windowsill the other day that I look at when things get too difficult: I Am Loving Awareness. Ultimately, I am nobody, going nowhere. There is no plan. The less I know, the happier I am. Getting ready and gathering forces to take another crack at the Big Bertha master demon lol. October 1st we begin the dance. We’ll see how far I get this time. I will slay that bastard in the end come hell or high water. Otherwise there’s no point doing anything else. Bored of down and out I want Up and In