Feeling this strange negative energy and thoughts like everything you are doing is complete shit and you don’t know anything so why are you doing this and then I’m like “c’mon man, I’m just doing my thing leave me alone”. And they are just FUCKING with me constantly. I don’t know what it is. Very grey outside but I don’t usually mind. My life is perfect right now I’m just doing what needs to be done and not really thinking about it too much otherwise I end up doing nothing because I am a perfectionist although from my recent sub-standard offerings you might not guess that. I just sleep deeply and live my life and create create create but this stupid voice wants to burn everything to hell. But I love that voice because it is apart of me just like everything, I don’t want to reject it or want it to go away. Love is hard because it is really the greatest threat to ego. Anyways, the other day I went to this shop and found some cool fabrics. They were kind of expensive but I loved the colors, one I just hung on the wall and one I am using as bed cover and one I put on the coffee table. The women at the fabric store probably were wondering what the hell this guy is up to. Oh and follow me on instagram I am using that too already got two posts up. I have like 12 followers, hitting the big time. I don’t know what I’m doing at all so don’t be fooled by my sexy charms. Really. I am just falling and surrendering and I have no idea if anyone will catch me. I feel this weird sadness like my heart is in a million pieces and I am gratetul that I am human and not some insect or something. I want to open my heart and brain and life and let you all in and then all the refugees and everyone from bad places will come too and bring their religions and ghosts but what the hell, it’s their world as much as ours. I was born in Finland. It doesn’t mean this place belongs to me any more than anyone else. You don’t fight for your country. You don’t have a country. I don’t believe in country. Except music. Country music. So much bullshit and people are like thinking they fought in some war for something good. You don’t fight anything but your own demons and angels like we are all fighting every day. But I love the ignorant soldiers too and politicians who just do their thing like I do mine. I mean it. Love everyone always forever no matter what. It is brutal. But it is the only way. And I know people will be pissed off to hear it and maybe even hate me. Until half the world wants me dead (or maybe the whole world because “world” is always division), I am nowhere.
Do I feel better writing this?
No.
Who cares. Feel what you feel man. Better. Worse. Good. Bad.
Don’t matter.
Be the Sun.
Shine.
Burn.
Love
I will die loving if not but death itself
If you don’t want the Real Me, you get nothing.
