Released my album in feb 2015, did some radio/tv, liveshows, music vid, had people who financed it all and i still owe them. Nobody gave a shit about my album. Dead on arrival and i was impatient. I was 31 and still not famous. My right hand was fucked, needed rest but i had to survive. Mind was also getting loosey goosey. Had become vegan, lost all my muscles and became…
A ghost
Felt like a failure. Ashamed.
Downsized the band because i made zero money after paying everyone. So just me, Rauno and Tanel. We were called LOVE WARRIOR
We played in Tallinn Music Week which were my last shows in estonia.
In hindsight looking back on all this (and the vids i posted), i was not very good. The songs were mediocre. I was delusional. My voice sounded terrible.
People need hits. Bel canto. Movements. Songs to wake them up from the misery and boredom of day to day life.
I was a wannabe artist.
Pretending i’m someone i clearly wasn’t.
We performed in Tallinn Music Week which is a big music industry conference show case in Baltics. This included performances on different stages and places around the city. Some solo, some with band.
Decided to leave estonia with gf in May 2015 and go to thailand to start a new life. I deleted all my social media accounts permanently and disappeared.
it all felt like a dead end. Was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Just wanted to be free, write, eat fruit, swim in oceans, fuck my girlfriend and explore the world. We had no plan, very little money but we were in love..with something.
Unfortunately love can only get you so far if you were raised in Babylon like us. Programmed to want more more more and of course this wasn’t the first time i had tried to quit music (or run away) and it wouldn’t be the last.
Music is like the mafia. You dont quit until it quits you. Death is the only way out and even that might backfire.
We were both running away from something. Ran into each other. Became deep sea divers.
Drowning in a sea
of maybes
babies
crazies