Last fall I decided to go travelling to the US for 3 months. The trip came quite spontaneously about 2 months before I was to leave. My goal was to spend most of that time in the deep south; Texas, Lousiana, Tennessee, Mississippi, Alabama & Georgia. Of course in the end things didn’t go like I planned and I only spent a few weeks in only Austin, New Orleans and Nashville. So I never really hit the ‘deep’ south of the hillbillies, rednecks and bible worshippers at all. I also ended up going to the state I specifically didn’t want to go to – Florida – where I spent 10 days laying on the beach in Miami, which I quite enjoyed.
The funny thing is, even though I didn’t really do what I was supposed to – and thinking I would do the deep south next time – I have no longer any interest in going to those places I originally wanted to go to. I don’t really know why I even wanted to go there in the first place. Maybe it was the music thing because that’s where all the blues and country come from. The thing is, I don’t really like one genre of music like that per se. I do like certain artists that happen to be country or blues. I don’t like all blues. I don’t like all country. I don’t like all jazz. I don’t like all electronic music. I don’t care what genre the music is. If it’s good, it’s good. Most genres are 98% garbage anyway. Every genre has it’s jewels. You just have to find them. If I ever had my own record store, all artists would be in the same place and all in alphabetical order. Music is music.
Nowadays, I think for many people, music has become just a form of entertainment. Something to keep your mind busy while driving to work, or something to provide atmosphere at a party. Same with films. They are just something to pass the time with. The cinema has become a place to take your girlfriend to. For me, they are everything. Music and films and literature is art. Art is medicine. Art is life for me. It is like air. It is the voice of what religion tries to be and what science never can be. Art is the one and only universal language that anybody can understand. I think it’s power is highly underestimated. It is something that many people don’t know how to really appreciate because they are so closed down from reality and theirselves.
Anyway, my point about what I mentioned before, things change with me really quickly. One day I might want something really bad or really like something and the next day I might wonder why? I’ve been so stupid for most of my life. I am beginning to really know what I like and what I don’t like. I mean, there are certain aspects of everything that I try to look for and which I am good at recognizing. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s a person, a film, a book, a painting, a song, a city. The things I like in life are the things I find in all of those. Honesty, beauty, feeling, passion, intensity, wisdom, sorrow, glory, inspiration, energy, pain, ecstasy, freedom. A good book or song can become a friend for me as much as any person. If I see a really beautiful sunset at the right time, I might change and never be the same again.
I feel like I am so far from the person I was a year ago. I am of course the same to most of the people who see me but every year I always feel different. More aware. More in touch with myself and my feelings, my desires, my dreams. I have no idea who or where I will be a year from now. What about in 10 years? I have absolutely no idea anymore. Some people might think that this kind of insecurity of the future is scary. I think it is exciting and I don’t think there is a greater adventure than not knowing what is going to happen.
