who am i kidding. i am never gonna be an entrepreneur or coach or leader or self help guru woowoo daddy. just aint my bag baby. i am too crazy and unpredicatble for that shit. and a sucker for romance.
even when i try to routinize my daily life, it all goes to hell eventually. things are good for awhile but then i want to fuck it all up. everything starts to feel too forced and restrictive. i just can’t live that way. fuck routine. fuck the rules. fuck it all.
need to do things my own way.
and all this focus on happiness, health, wealth blabalblablaaa doesn’t mean shit when it comes to the actual work i am doing. well money would help but i think that will come on its own as what i do becomes valuable.
the internet is death trap for true artists.
god damn it, i have been writing all morning in my journal, poetry, emails and some unpublished comments online.
out of juice.
kind of proves my point about the internet…
it takes too much energy…
i am addicted to it.
fuck.
was attacked by darkness storm again yesterday when i lost a text i wrote and felt it was really good… at least worth saving in the archives. but the screen frozen and it was gone. just like that. spend hours trying to remember what i wrote. bits and pieces. so frustrating. ruined my whole day. skipped the gym and just bitched and moaned all day but still got 3 hours of music in the evening and kind of revolutionized my concepts and made me realize what i am now writing here. was focusing too much still on trivial shit. when i played my guitar in the evening i felt like i was in heaven. i dont need this interent noise war concrete in my life it just fucks with my own creativity too much.
gotta find the courage to just turn my back on it all.
do my thing.