deleted everything again
shaved my beard off and cut my hair
i don’t care
do care
i don’t care
etc…
i don’t know anymore
i am a weak fucking pathetic human
cannot do music anymore because it is all DEVIL evil like the whole world and everything maybe life is evil too and the sun and oxygen it is all evil… you can see it in my videos and hear it in my songs… someone is struggling there to break free
all my friends are alcoholics and everyone i know is insane
they are great humans but i wish they could see what i see
the need to escape… even when we drink, it is like we are silently toasting not being there
giving my life to jesus although i dont know that even means or if is just another trick of the mind, somekind of survival mechanism or something
just cannot seem to find my way into this world
i want to create a new life, a new identity
2020
life coach
give other people advice so i dont have to follow it
take their money
buy a ferrari
who cares
none of this matters anyways
we’re all gonna die
DEATH IS COMING
hahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa
i just punched my laptop in the face with my knuckle and my hand doesnt even hurt
i just dont care anymore
please unsubscribe
i dont want any followers or listeners or friends or family or anyone
i am nobody
this is just entertainment
poetry
because it’s all poetry in the end
why jesus?
because they crucified the fucker…. that must mean he stood for something pretty god damned DEEP and i want to know what that is
no i dont mean some fake church bible xmas bullshit jesus that has conquered the world
that is not the real JESUS
cmon… are you kidding me?
this guy started TIME (or reset it)
we all worship the culture of jesus
but who was he???
the kingdom of heaven
i can get it intellectually but that is not enough
the boxing world heavy weight CHAMP Tyson Fury (reading his autobiography) is undefeated and everytime he wins he says it wasn’t him but the LORD JESUS CHRIST
i dont what that means.
i am done with knowing anything
ALL these experiments have failed.
music
travel
yoga
rocknroll
drinking
dating
self help books
veganism
recluse
isolation
none of it works
so it’s time to try something else
JESUS
(or Krishnamurti, Yogananda, Buddha, Osho, Thich Nhat Hanh, they all really spoke about the same thing)
It’s gotta be the most radical view of life there can be but something so beautiful and extraordinary and maybe so simple that it’s impossible to even comprehend.
Some hidden power that is there for all sinners and homeless people just as much as billionaires and saints.
I look around and people are talking and talking and talking
politicians, representatives…. all doing a great job
they are what people vote for
they represent the people
but the happiness and kindness and paying bills and getting by and the drink, the drugs, the tinder, the instagram…
it is all a bubble
it is not THE REAL THING
i have always known
and i cannot live like that anymore pretending this is all laadi–fuckin–daaaa
HUMANITY IS IN A VERY IMMATURE STATE.
i am too
i am just as bunch to blame as anyone
full grown adult
but i am a weak snowflake inside
i got fire and guts and courage but it comes and goes…
i know what you are thinking
mister markus has lost it completely…
ok fine, you can think that
but i CREATE
i put it all on the line
this is me on my knees saying thank you and a SURRENDER as if the soviets are invading me
the great perfection (Dzogchen in Tibetan buddhism… also Jesus)
Kahlil Gibran…. also is Jesus
Rumi…. also is Jesus
modern society is NOT jesus
it might be part of his own amusement
but all that shit you put in your mouth and mind and body
rivers and lakes polluted
forests and jungles raped and CARS everywhere
people in a rush to get somewhere
you can hear the fear and anxiety in everyone
because we are all FRAGILE
we used to play and run and laugh
now we need rules to not hurt each other but we still do and then bury ourselves in some new distraction
i actually feel pretty good that things have gone this way
what if this is my moment to shine
right here right now
i had to get your attention right?
so i played a little dance
that moment where two broken pieces of wood converge (meet)
the unity (which is what yoga also means btw)
the cross
CHRIST
within
so in this moment there is a chance for liberation
what if that moment continued when we create it with our minds
unity in action
could it be that THIS is what Jesus talked about?
the brotherhood of man
the same feeling you get when you feed that inner darkness with temporary pleasures and still there is some kind of restlessness because it is not real
a broken world
necessary
because growth is never easy
it hurts
humanity is hurting and growing
i am humanity
i am society
i am Jesus
so are you
not some outer war in Syria
passports and countries are all fake
to keep people in power with the guns
it’s time to take back the power
TRUE POWER
the power within
the CHRIST within
the Buddha within
the drink the drugs the stupid celebrity worship and sports heroes and cheap IKEA fashion
those are all desperate attempts at getting some soothing for that great wound
they wont help you
they will blind you
they will enable you to get together with other lost children
play the game
business
life
work
career
studying
dating
friends
family
the campfire monopoly gossip madness
no thanks
done with that
maybe this is not resonating
maybe this is too stupid or radical
maybe i am too provocative
maybe you are not ready
i am ready
ready for Love
at least i am gonna take a good look at what those old stories might possible mean for me
there are people who are carrying the torch
something is driving them
the force of life
the will to be and become and unite and re-unite
and remember
i think we all remember
it is there within us
somewhere
gotta slow down
let the memories come back
the magic
the miracle
so anyways
merry xmas
see you again soon
not sure yet in what form
(needed to use Markus for this message, he is hungry now so gotta go feed the beast)
bye