why i sing these songs

all my anger and frustration
all the people i can never be
all the things i make myself do
in the name of love and light
all the things i am afraid to do
in the name of rock n roll shame
i put myself on the spot
i put myself into the fire
i follow people’s stupid advice
i go out there into the world
i create these fucking songs
remind myself how most people don’t get
what i got
i connect with people
i am obsessed with their blind spots
to distract myself from mine
like a tired sun lost in a snowstorm
i drive home and singalong to beatles b-sides
glad that i am alone again
regretting leaving the house
i regret everything i ever did
feel this terribleness in my gut as i steer
and flicker the long lights on and off
snow is flying chaotically
i glance at the speedometer
and try to not drive too fast
because i want to hear let it be
before i am home
i tell myself i am the lone wolf type
go home and watch comedy central roasts
escape with laughter and tom waits
this is my xmas of 2018
it will be the best one yet
high on hope, completely alone
maybe next year will be the one
when i can finally say what i really mean
what is on my mind and what i know is true
the food i eat, the clothes i wear
the thoughts i think in saunas
run to the gym and pump it up
sit with my paul gilbert ibanez guitar and watch movies
while practising my right hand picking
dream of all my new songs
how i will one day be recognized
how much strength and focus i need
to get done what needs to get done
i got the fire
but the fire is killing me babe
can you not see
the man behind the beard and the roles
behind the words and the threats
and the addictions and the madness
all those drinks i cannot have
all that acid that made me a better man
it’s in the air we breathe
the emptiness we feel
even when we think we have everything
when you lose it all
when you are ready to give up
on the edge of suicide and surrender
i will be there
waiting for you
singing for you