Since starting the JLVA program and singing along with the cd (on day 11 now I think) I haven’t really been singing my own songs except a little bit at the end of the workout but by then my voice is kind of hoarse. I noticed last night that there is some improvements as noted in previous post. However today I sang some of my own songs and realized that my voice has only improved in doing the specific exercises and hasn’t actually improved at all when it comes to transitioning that improvement to my songs which is exactly why I am doing this. Even worse, I think the opposite has happened. I seem to have lost my own style and all the nuances I sang with before in my apartment where I also sang much quieter. What the fuck is going on?
This is very frustrating because I can’t sing my songs that I intend to record this summer. Actually I am starting to think that I’ve never really been a good singer to begin with. Or my songs are just not right for my voice or something. At least the current ones I’ve been working on… I feel quite pissed off about it and even thinking about just giving up music altogether. I doubt any of the great singers in pop music had to work this hard on their voice or any technique for that matter. I just want to make some hits, get rich and have fun. Fuck everything else. Now I’m a little depressed about this whole music thing. Not sure what I will do. Maybe I am just not as good as I’ve always thought I am. Maybe I am just very deluded and have not faced the elephant in the room: I am not good enough and never will be. Why else would I be absolutely nowhere when it comes to succeeding as a musician?