[est. 1983, Finnish/Norwegian]
I like to express myself through songs, poems and whatever other creative outlet I can find such as this website. I read a lot, watch things, walk around, observe, trying to understand what is happening although I must say, I don’t understand much. Sometimes I touch other people and things too see what they feel like and to learn about pain. I’ve lived in many different countries. I’ve struggled a lot with depression and I’ve used drugs to cope with life but the best medicine by far has been art. I don’t think I’d be alive today if I didn’t have my poetry and songs to keep me warm when my soul was shivering and starving. I’ve loved and learned and failed and hurt and cursed the gods but now I’m here. Heart beating. Lungs breathing. Blood pumping. I have to remind myself a million times every day that All Is Sacred. So many things are happening constantly that I often feel overwhelmed and just want to dive in to the flow of life and let it take me away. But for some reason I still hold on to something so I can become someone. I’m afraid that if I let go entirely, I will disappear. I don’t really know who I am or what I’m supposed to be doing here. It seems there are greater forces at work that are just using me as a way to enter into this entity we call reality. I don’t have a plan or any goals besides just staying alive, doing things I enjoy and seeing what happens. But I guess survival is a a goal too in which case we are all some kind of self-help nuts looking for answers. Maybe I need to dream big again and lose the cynicism and misanthropy that has started to creep in with all the disappointments and heartbreak in the first 34 years of my existence. I’m not a huge fan of social media, tinder or any of this modern technology everyone is so obsessed with. I think those things possibly make us less human than we already are. Why? Because we are more connected to the internet than things that live and breathe like me and you. And even when there is only me and you, there are still screens everywhere and in between us (like now) that compete for our attention and seem to be winning. It’s like we are in some kind of space ship? Everyone could just have their own website and email, that would be enough. Then again, I suppose even Facebook is someone’s website too. It’s just another place where people go to not feel so alone. And even the internet and technology (computers, weapons, communication, transportation, recording equipment, sewage systems, kitchen utensils, wheels, fire, etc) are also just part of everything and once again I have to remind myself that All Is Sacred. But then again, I might just be saying all this because it sounds romantic and cool and since I’m an “artist” and I have a certain image I want to live up to so people can worship me and buy my products and ask for my autograph and live their grand disneyland delusions where certain fools are elevated into some kind of heroes to be clapped at on stages and gawked at in magazines, when the truth is that nobody is anything much at all after all that ego is stripped away and we meet the real dragon. Anyways, if any of this resonates with you, I think we might get along. This was my lame attempt at some kind of brief autobiography. I always start ranting and raving. My ex-girlfriend hated it when I did this. She hated it so god damned much that now when it’s too late and everything has gone to hell and I no longer ever want to hear from her or see her again, she misses me like there’s no tomorrow. All is sacred. Even being a narcissistic asshole who can turn on the charm and the kindness when it’s convenient for him. Do I really care about anyone else? Are we all just the same person, like a big octopus with 8 billion tentacles? I have so many questions for you. I have answers too. And solutions. I will go wherever this may lead and never look back. These days when I write and go deep, eventually all the words start caving in and everything I write about just becomes this one giant blob that is pulsating and dancing to the thunderous cacophony of the rhythms of the jungle. Danger. Rival tribe approaching. Battle coming. Are you ready to fucking die? And then all our spirit animals run naked and wild with sexy neon coldplay war paint everywhere and they all kill and fuck each other and laugh and cry and scream and there is great murder and love and laughter in the air. The gods are certainly laughing. THAT I do know.