Stop giving it all away for free. Give them glimpses. If they want more, let them come here to the website. Ideally all my social media should be just like that. Of course some platforms are better for long-form content but usually that involves some kind of monetary reward for the quality of your content. Youtube for vids. Spotify for songs. Amazon for books. People pay with their money/attention and the creator gets paid. That’s why instagram and facebook suck donkey ballz (except for marketing ie. glimpses/tastes of my dingdong songs). Zuckerberg is such a cheap bastard that he doesn’t wanna pay anyone. Essentially he runs a slave ship. And be careful if you don’t toe the company line with your views on things. I hope Elon kicks his ass in the octagon. At least on twitter you can now say whatever you want.
But I also overshare with people in emails and messenger apps. Depending on my moods. I just go with the flow and totally forget that not everyone is a creative manic kumbaya wild soul. It is too much for them. And it’s hard for them to reply to anything when there are 100 other things so maybe I use this as a form of dominance? I dont know man. Whats with all the questions?
Sometimes I might send 10+ message (i pulled that number out of a tophat). Each too long. Rants and poetry and encouragement and criticism and then wonder what the hell is wrong with me or if they will ever reply again. All this behaviour is just ego run amok. In some sense I let it. I know exactly what is happening. That might just be a justification for my own behavior. Or a reason to turn THAT into poetry later when I’m old, rich, bald and look back upon a reckless youth.
And dont even get me started on the long posts on facebook and instagram captions. I love it and feel deep loathing jealousy for all those sexy girls who just post one photo with some elusive sentence to make the boys melt. FUCK! why gods
I think artists are desperately lonely creatures. We tell you that we are happiest alone but don’t ever buy our bullshit. So when we write and create, we are actually just doing it because there is nobody else to talk to at least on this level. Y’all are too busy to hang with us. Always busy. Going somewhere. We artists will never understand where you are going and what the rush is. We like to lounge around the manor like lizards. Nothing escapes us. Every eye lash and flicker of light. All fodder for the cannon. Grist for the mill.
We flirt with concepts. Explore form(s). Testing boundaries. We are also non-pathological narcissists. Art is the pinnacle of narcissism. That’s where the word comes form. Narcissus saw his own reflection in the pond and fell in love with himself. All artists love their own work. We have to. How else could we find the insane drive to produce what is in our heads and manifest it out there for others to experience and pay us, reward us, worship us. Even when none of that happens. Decadeds of failure. Or success but then failure to reproduce success. We are forever alone and self-obsessed. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.
Here’s an example. I sent these to a friend on telegram, then deleted (for them and me… oh man I LOVE that function, makes me feel like God that I can just pull the rug out anytime and bail). So the other day had crazy anxiety crash and burn blablablaa (I’m sure you’ve already read all about it)… well yesterday I cured myself completely and absolutely and returned to my primordial euphoria state and then on purpose did not tell anyone because I wanna keep y’all guessing. So this morning I sent a few people long explanations of how I am back on top and laying down the law with the solutions for world hunger and war. In all honestly, I thought about it all night, even in my dreams.
This is what I sent friend 1:
Back on top. Anxiety gone since yesterday. It comes and goes. Meditation helps understand it. Just appearances in consciousness. Anxiety is always mind/ego bullshit. Not heart/being. Sober for 1 month today. Vegan sober is essential on this path. There is no other way. And then start to slowly purify the diet. This month i am still doing junk food vegan but it’s a good upgrade from previous even if falling back to this. Then slowly lift the standard. Build new reference points. Born to win.
I do think it is wise to create a healthy identity because we still live in this mind world. That is what a lot of the spiritual/religious people are missing. Ego is not an enemy. It can become a friend. Useful servant when we tame it.
if we want to live in city, society. Need healthy balance of mind, spirit, heart. You are probably like me and have issues with co-dependency, identity, boundaries…
That’s why we we are fine when alone. But the issues come up when around others. They are a reflection of who we are. Can’t blame anyone for our problems.
My goal is to be free and happy whether alone or with others.
Takes a lot of work. Shadow work Light work Spirit work Creative work Psychology work
All part of the dance. I do think it is wise to create a healthy identity because we still live in this mind world. That is what a lot of the spiritual/religious people are missing. Ego is not an enemy. It can become a friend. Useful servant when we tame it.
if we want to live in city, society, slaveship. Need healthy balance of mind, spirit, heart.
most therapists are not equipped to handle this kind of shit that is why they have not helped us…
so need to do our own therapy books, running, meditation, art etc
Unless you can find competent people to help who GET it and live like us
Yeah not too bad but still thought “fuck this, gonna just post on my blog”. So copy/pasted into notepad and in fact that inspired this whole post.
(I discovered through this a writing hack: that I can from now on use these “oversharings” as writing prompts for my blog and newsletters or videos. Just not hit send and then give the typical 3-4 word reply like “all good” or “happy as fuck” or whatever bullshit. Play it cool. No need to spill the guts anymore. Keep the curtain closed. Backstage access only for serious seekers of secret selves. Sometimes friends are like flies you just wanna swat away but they are addicted to your shit so you turn your shit into pop songs that celebrate the shit flies we all are.)
Again, if they like my blood, they can come here to the main site and drink to their heart’s content. If they want more than blood then just listen to the songs, get naked and get the gimp out! Or email me if you are a hot girl and want to pay for my flights or come take care of me here or maybe you want me to do that for you… we can negotiate, depending on the attachments in your email.
Of course occasionally I say some brilliant things in these tirades. Or they do and I steal what they say. I might copy paste a whole conversation for later reference or immediately go to the poetry station or just take screenshot if it pleases my visual sensibilities. I need to be very careful with my copy/paste game tho because I am known to delete accounts and migrate content to new accounts and forget to backup stuff or just my own ocd when it comes to organizing my external hard drives and stuff. Sometimes I botch the job bad and things are lost. That fucking hurts like hell and sometimes sends me on downward spirals. I go willingly tho and even laugh in the heat of torture barking at the gods “is this all you fuckers got??” hahaaa and laugh like a madman all the way to the deepest bowels of the dungeons where I huddle up cold in the corner while leftist rats scurry over my starving/shivering body. It’s all about learning the hard way I guess.
Oh and then I decided to switch gears a bit and sent another friend this one which I did actually keep for him because he is someone who actually does his due diligance in his own developmental path, unlike friend 1 who never really engages too deeply with anything (a bit of a birdbrain but he had electro-shock treatment so maybe the evil docs fried his brain and at least he got off the evil pharma or at least i hope)…
Both vegans btw. I cannot really take seriously people who are not vegan. That’s just me. You cannot say you believe in love, kindness, truth and spirit if you support the holocaust that is going on with your burgers, fish and chicken and fancy summer dinner parties and barbeques. You sick fucks.
So anyways here is the messages I sent friend 2. We had been discussing co-dependency and he got me to watch a few vids by Patrick Teahan on youtube. well this is what I wrote him:
good stuff, but i am not sure it’s good to take this stuff too seriously it is still all in this low level of mind… endless swamp like i said can be fun to sometimes explore the swamp for shits and giggles
but spiritually we are free the heart is free being is free, always
it might be wise to develop healthy balance between mind, heart, ego, body
so in that sense this is useful work and this guy has good vibes
also started reading codependentnomore book so it is good to understand this language
but not get TOO lost in it
i personally think John Rose is a prophet of our times he gets to the root of all the issues.
but need to dive deep on him to understand what he is talking about
i am reading all his posts on raw food support forums now started his youtube vids… it is a lot of content (the banned ones you can find on odysee)
Will take months to learn years to apply
cooked food is the root of all evil (separation/disconnect)
+ debt based currency
All problems of society and individuals can be traced back to these
All the connections will be made if you read the history Not just the history of the victors but alternative versions too
(have to go to some dark places and you will be ridiculed but not by those who stepped out of the cave and made it)
Then connect the dots Rose not only does it but lives it
He is not perfect of course…
On the forums he goes nuts sometimes…
so perhaps what younger folk like me and you can do is
integrate all this
That is essentially my work
The spirit The psyche the body The heart
nutrition meditation love community creativity
Build a new world basically.
It starts with us. and people willing to conquer their demons
Most people will have no idea that I’m doing this or even remember what they told me. So for all you know these thoughts might not even be mine. Nothing belongs to anyone. Your thoughts just appear out of the vicevoids. Dont worry though. You will get it all back when you open the gates.
