Sep 16, 2012

I have been in Tallin for 3 weeks now. Studying and drinking mostly. There’s been a few girls I’ve slept with and generally I think that is the prime motivator for me when going out. Yet that need is never fulfilled even if I just had sex last night (I did). I’ve also remained vegan and gone to the gym 4-5 times/week. I haven’t compromised myself too much but still there is plenty of room for improvement. Yes, I am more honest than ever but there is still a little confusion concerning who I want to be and who I am, how I act, what I do, etc. I am a little older than most of the other students. The university degree is interesting. Living in a shared apartment is a little annoying. I miss my guitar and my music. This unhappiness follows me wherever I go. Tomorrow is a new week and I hope to make some changes. I want to be more calm, talk less. I also have to spend less money and not drink so much or go to bars/clubs that are not really my scene. There’s a lot of growth happening here although it’s always hard to recognize and appreciate in real time as the future unfolds and reveals itself. I am pursuing mastery. As a human being and as an artist. I demand no less of myself. Gotta study linguistics now and then eat something.