Aug 24, 2009

I have met the dragon.
In the last few days the world/life has seemed heavier than usual. My mind has been cluttered and full of traffic. I guess the Mew boys are right, “sometimes life isn’t easy”. It’s quite amazing how powerful our minds are at dictating and governing our day to day lives.
I have started to practice zen. Not just in meditation (or zazen as it is called) – which I have been doing a little bit every day either with a group (sangha) or by myself – but also in my day to day life. I have also done some research on the philosophy of zen practice and I must say, it greatly intrigues me. Even though I have not been able to express through words what I am ultimately doing with my life, I feel that this gradual removal of these extra layers of the mind which blind us and burden us, seems to perfectly express what I have been trying to do all along. To my understanding this is also the core idea in practicing the art of zen. It is also an idea that is often greatly misunderstood as is the whole Buddhist approach – not that I am any kind of master when it comes to this subject. Just some beginner’s views. Further, these are just words. Ultimately, I believe the real essence of Zen and the way of Buddha cannot be expressed through words. I am still very much a novice and I humbly await for the moment until I feel I am ready to remove the “training wheels” which still keep me above the water.
But last night’s session with “Uku” – who is the teacher I have been practicing with – was anything but easy or even pleasurable, for me. I went into the session with two objectives. 1) To be more quiet and listen harder (or softer) to others in the tea drinking after zazen, and not just ramble away myself. 2) To overcome my mind’s (or ego’s) attempt to make me stay home and not go – thus not giving it power. I also had a huge pain in my stomach which I didn’t know the reason for and this also caused my state of unbalancedness. Probably too many bananas or something, haha (they were on sale).
Well, I went and I sat in zazen for 40 minutes although it was very, very hard. I also managed to remain relatively quiet and learned a lot once again from Uku’s talk. Now I also know that it is best to not have objectives or expectations. Let things be as they are. That is certainly something that I feel can be done in anything. A simple yet powerful lesson for me, nevertheless.
It’s saturday morning. I just had some honeydew melon for breakfast. My room is lit by two candles, which make me feel peaceful. I can hear the wind softly humming through my slightly opened window. I am getting ready to go to my first ashtanga yoga class/course (hence, the light breakfast) which I am looking forward to. They say it can be physically quite a grueling activity. Hopefully, it will be a little bit easier on me than last night’s zazen practice. Then again, I now know to refuse to expect or “hope” anything of it.
The dragon sleeps for now.