Dec 1, 2008

Staring at flames can be so calming. They are so hypnotic and violent. Warm and kind. Sitting in my living room. This is not living. It is survival. Staying warm. Fed. Clean. Nothing more. There is no time, energy or money. But I feel alive. Been trying to avoid all negative thoughts/emotions from affecting me on a deeper level. Only let the good stuff through. It’s amazing how much power positive thought has when you let it roam free and take you over. It makes things that would normally bother, feel like a breeze that is just brushing your skin but eager to move on. This is truly what defines strength or weakness. How much you will let things affect you. The real essence of you. It will be interesting to see how long my blissful state lasts. Last weekend went out to some bars, had a few drinks, then played outside in the below zero temperature which was another new experience. I guess you can now call me a hardcore musician. Want to live in Copenhagen. Or Oslo. Or Stockholm. I want to embrace my Scandinavianity. I also want a fast internet connection and to pay rent and get heating also. Been writing lots of new songs. The next album is starting to come together in my head. Next year will be devoted to it. I will do whatever it takes to get it made. I feel like going shopping. But I have zero money so it will probably be a dream unfulfilled for now. I always feel like I have no money. I still don’t know how much money you need to be successful. Is it really a bottomless pit? I am sure the raging flames before my eyes know the answer but I am too afraid to know. Sometimes the truth can burn.