Back and forth

I tried many things
many times
oh how I tried
and failed gloriously.
I climbed mountains
I drowned in pussy
I treated myself well
I nourished my body
I followed the gurus
I hailed the kings
I asked the right questions
I fought the worthy battles
I looked truth square in the eye
I saw a cold, vacant stare
staring through me
and I knew that losing everything
was not a price I was willing to pay
for sanity,
so I gave up.
And then got back up.
and tried again
and again and again and again and again
I trained troops
I seared amongst eagles in the sky
I jerked off from roof tops
and screamed in victory as I came
like Moses with his sermon on the hill
I lit fires
I fed the hungry
I followed glory
I entertained crowds
and so I lived
back and forth back and forth
I even had enough
many many times
and even thought I had enough of having enough
and so I danced with death
on the edge of existence.
Nothing happened.
Nothing mattered.
the sane continued their madness
the idiots prevailed.
People still chased for their corrupt dreams
they never even dreamed.
And they pretended to care and know and talk and show
oh what  a burden it is
to know what I know
to see the lie that we are trapped by
to be able to question
one’s own deepest of thoughts
is a curse beyond evil.
Here I am again,
tired and dirty and broke and lonely.
Zero followers.
Zero friends.
Zero readers.
Not even an enemy to hate.
I sure could use
a nice wet blow job right about now.