It’s nice to be back in England. I didn’t plan to be gone this long. I left Finland the other day and there was lots of snow and it was much colder than here. I am planning on going to Dublin, Ireland within a few weeks. Before that, I just want to see some friends and also try to do some googling online to see where exactly I am going, which I haven’t had time to do yet.
I’ve been reading so many books lately and actually through all of last year that my head is full of all kinds of information. I have also been travelling for almost two years which means i haven’t paid rent or any bills in that time. I guess you can call me some kind of outlaw. It also means i’ve seen some new places and certainly met quite a few people. So much has happened and lately i’ve been trying to really ask myself who I am which is important I think so I don’t accidentally become too distant from my actual self. I am one of those people who is deeply affected by things that I read, hear, see or experience. I do feel like the more I learn, the more I know that I really don’t know much which I think is the ultimate definition of knowledge. But I am also considering that maybe the more I know, the less I need to know. Knowledge becomes just another endless source of consumption. The real answers are not always in a book or in someone else’s mouth but within you. But everything also teaches me more about myself and I believe that is what i’m really after. Everything I do is somehow developing me and apart of me wanting to be not just myself (which is not enough) but the best self I can be. So every little thing I do is apart of this process of ultimately becoming what I only ever want to become, myself.
I don’t believe in many things these days and I am always looking at the other side of that glamorous smile that is offered in our commercialized (developed) world. The world of advertising hides a dark principle which lies behind all that they show us. Their goal is to make us feel unsatisfied, empty & incomplete without their product. They make us feel like we ‘need’ it which in most cases we don’t. This ‘American’ model of taking our money and making the rich richer is spreading in the world like a disease. It is also the main cause of depression and loneliness which is extremely worrying since our governing bodies do not care about people’s emotional well being.
I also don’t believe nor do I like the idea of god (which I won’t even place a capital letter on). I will not even get into the different religions and how I think there is not much truth to most of them (I also admit that I am in no way an expert on any one religion but I have something that most of these experts don’t have – objectiveness). I do believe that there is some force that we cannot see and many things we don’t know. There is something that connects us all. The universe is one big organism (probably apart of an even bigger organism), our galaxy is one part of it, our solar system another part, our planet one little part and we are little things with probably as much significance to the universe – as a whole – as one little red blood cell has to an individual being. I refuse to call this ‘force’ that ties us all together as a being (e.g. god).
I therefore much prefer to use the word love because that is something much more easier to grasp (in my mind). Love is a state of mind. Love is life. I think true love is when you totally feel at one with everything. The excitement and passion of falling in love with someone is usually temporary and serves as a glimpse of what real love can be like. It leaves us feeling cold when it is gone but we are not meant to look for this glimpse only and live this fairytale lovestory. I don’t think we are meant to pursue love with one person as a means to an end. We are meant to find ourselves at one with the universe. Everybody and everything around us is us. Love is in the mirror. It is in the howl of the wind. It is in the tears of a widow. It is in the last breaths of a lion’s prey. It is everywhere.
We need a new model of living. We need to rethink everything; the education system, politics, our beliefs, employment systems, public transport, etc. One thing I also believe in is that the collective human mind is capable of much more than this. We are lagging behind of our true potential. I believe the homo sapiens is still one species and there is no need for all this dividing of cultures, borders, etc. If given the same kind of healthy environment and nurture for our upbringing, we are all the same. I am deeply unsatisfied with modern society and culture and it’s not just in the developed world. There is no paradise where everything is perfect. However, there could be. I will not just sit and watch everyone suffer. Time to wake up.
