one of those days

It’s one of those days when I just… wanna disappear. And start again. Somewhere far. One of those days when the way the sun shines irritates me. I can’t believe I deluded myself into thinking that “these” days are behind me. That I was doing well. Haha! Now I’m stuck at home, sick with a cold that’s been waiting to be the star of the show for the last 5 days. Been putting off the inevitable, facing myself (and my illness). Been distracting myself a lot lately with all this… fucking noise. In 14 days I am going to turn 30. I think then I will finally abandon all sense of morality and hope towards any kind of successful future (with my stupid ideals and fitness regimens and fake laughters at people’s stupid jokes and so-called reason) and embrace what I have wanted to embrace since the history of this torturous existence began: madness and vices. Like my forefathers before me. Live fast and die young. Climb the skyscraper and fly into the night. There is no truth. There is no right or wrong. There is only one long continuous process of life. Otherwise known as death… Why do I even bother.