it kills me inside
to not know
where you are
to not know
what you’re doing
to not know
what you’re thinking
I could just call you
and find out
or knock on your door
and tell you all this
but instead I’ll pretend
to stay calm
to stay cool
pretend i’m busy
so you won’t know
in under three months
you are already leaving
going back home
in three months
I will know
what I’m now afraid to know
in three months
you’ll be long gone
and I will be…
still here
I could just give you
more than you asked for
or tell you
how you turn me inside out
and reveal to you
my deepest desires
and darkest despairs
but instead I’ll pretend
to not be weak
to not suffocate
pretend I’m so busy
that you are not sure
of any of this
baby, I’ve been waiting for you
for so long
and now I am back to square one
feel like a teenager
nothing’s changed
I haven’t learned anything
this… feeling
this… empty heartache
this… lust
can’t wait to see how this plays out