Most people are full of shit… I mean, they lie.
At least I can speak for myself. I admit it.
I am guilty of lying my way through life. Mostly lying to myself.
I think this is an important realization to make. A necessary one.
I really desire to live and follow “truth” wherever it may lead me because that’s where the real power of the human condition lies in. It might even seem weak to say that but it is actually the opposite of weak. How do I know this? Because I am weak myself. It takes weakness to recognize weakness. Let’s face it, the human race has become extremely weak. We are weaker than ants. Our moral dignity and integrity is at an all time collective low. How can we think otherwise considering what we allow to happen for OUR benefit at the expense of the less fortunate? How can we think we are in any way strong?
The truth calls to me. I can feel it draw me in but I have tried to avoid it and given in to that other calling…which takes me away from it. The pendulum swings back and forth. I dabble and dip my feet in both pools.
Those of us with a strong sense of intellectual curiosity and a critically thinking mind surely know what I am speaking of. That is why individuals such as us are so deeply attracted to and affected by the things that echo that truth most strongly e.g. nature, art, science. We are also easily tempted and seduced by drugs/substances/stimulants that fool us into a temporary state of truth or relief. Unfortunately (and eventually) the carpet is always pulled from underneath us and we are left flat on our asses, lonely and confused and wanting more.
The thing is, I have known the path of truth for many years now. Or rather it has revealed itself to me gradually. Actually we all know it from birth but over time we have been brainwashed and manipulated away from it. Thus, we as a species have become estranged from our place in nature. I really think THAT is the root cause of everything that is going wrong in today’s world. Ever since we started walking away from the truth as a species, the closer we have moved and continue to move towards our destruction. It baffles and concerns me how many of the most intelligent minds I know (friends, family, authors, celebrities, etc.) fail to see this.
but lets turn the spotlight back on myself…
So why haven’t I done what I know I should do and be doing. I’ve tried a few times… I’ve tasted it. I’ve glimpsed the beauty. But I have ultimately failed and given up. Perhaps the taste was too poignant for my weak and desensitized tongue. Perhaps the beauty was too bright for my tired eyes. Maybe. But I am quite certain that the answer goes deeper than that.
Why have I failed?
Was it fear? Yes, to a certain degree.
But my failures go even deeper than fear (although fear is a big part of it).
Here is the way I ultimately see it:
I have failed because I have been obsessed with doing. Doing this, doing that. Yes, actions are important but there comes a time in a man’s life when we must transcend the doing. We must become our actions. We must start being ourselves, our truths, our actions, our thoughts. Being overcomes doing. That is the path of truth. That is MY path. That is the path I am now willing to walk. I am aware that reading it and writing about this does not mean anything until the truth is lived and experienced although it does help organize the mind and filter out all the useless thoughts. My mind is my roadmap; my candle in the dark.
Make no mistake, following the truth is no easy task. Through my own experiences and research, I am fully convinced that most of our friends, our family and modern society will do anything (with good intentions of course) they/it can to prevent us from walking this path because that means they also have to change their relationship to us and our differing choices questions their own beliefs and values. People (animals) do not like change. Change is threatening and so we cannot blame outside circumstances for wanting to keep our safety ensured.
The irony is that nature and life is changing constantly. Everything is flowing, moving. As George Harrison sang, “all things pass.” Change is what evolution & adaptation is all about. It’s not just about survival for today, for our lifetimes but survival for the future of our species, our grandchildren and their grandchildren. Not that I have any children or necessarily want any. But I am not just talking about human children. We are all children of nature (as cheesy as that may sound). How can we continue to disregard and disrespect mother nature?
The way I see it, there are two kinds of actions. Those that either take us closer to the truth and those that take us away from it.
or
* what is good for us
* what is bad for us
Sometimes the tradeoff is not clear. Sometimes the illusions/delusions, so common to us all, appear in disguise and allude us astray. Sometimes you might have to take on board some temporary stress in order to process and remove all the filth in our minds and bodies. Remember, not all stress is bad. Without our stress mechanisms (physical & mental) we would have been predator food long ago.
There is a physical AND an emotional detox involved here which will have to be faced sooner later. I expect that is the most difficult thing to get through. But it must be done if one wants to prevail.
I am ready to do it. Sure, I might fail again but I will probably get further than before. I know that the mountain is steep and that I have a lot to carry. My baggage is heavy. I have a wagon of memories, imprints, values, beliefs to drag along with me. I also know that along the way I will learn to discard that which I don’t need anymore. Eventually the baggage will get lighter and lighter and the steepness will be less of an obstacle. My legs and body will also get stronger! I am going to walk the path that most of us don’t walk but I will not think of myself as higher/lower or mightier than those who may not be ready yet or are on a different point – whether further ahead or behind. I want to step out of the “cave of modern life” and maybe find a whole new rain forest of colors and shapes and bright lights. I know there is a whole new world to be explored.
This is the ultimate truth that is pulling me with a fierce (but kind) force:
The deepest pleasure in life is a strong, continuous, inner sense of satisfaction and bliss but one that requires a sacrifice.
What is the sacrifice?
* To give up the idea that short-term fix/kick/high equals long term solution.
–> what is/feels good for us now is not necessarily good for us in the long run.
==>> what is good for us in the grand scheme of things may not feel good immediately. We must be patient.
and so I begin my journey…
all who wish to walk with me are welcome.
Or is this all just another lie in disguise?
There’s only one way to find out!
Or maybe I’m insane?
Well, since an insane person always sees the ‘sane’ as the insane (and vice versa), I guess I’ll never know!