To me, human relationships are extremely frustrating and confusing yet at the same time also very rewarding and inspiring. But although I love and am very deeply fascinated with people not just as creatures of this universe but especially how we relate to one another, I still feel like I have my training wheels on when it comes to interacting with another human being at an intelligent level. That is probably why I honestly prefer to be alone most often. Througout the years I have tried to make some sense of “relationships”. Here are some of my observations.
First of all, to me the whole term relationship has become quite ambivalent and I doubt that it’s even given too much thought by most people as to its true meaning. It’s like the word ‘communism’ which most people only know as something that is evil without understanding why or what it even means. They only think they know what it means. I know my over analyzing may seem odd and annoying to some but I like dissecting words and investigating their true meaning so go write your own blog, haha.
We are just told that relationships are necessary for a healthy life. We have to have “friends”, “family” or a “partner” to live properly. Maybe at one time it helped us get through life when we had a community to help us gather food and stay alive. I have personally never felt more estranged and disassociated with society and being “apart” of some community. I’m more interested on relying on myself and living as an individual who is free to live according to his own rules. I do appreciate the symbiosis of life. We are all apart of the same huge organism called the universe. If I pee on your flowers, you’ll get mad and throw eggs at my house. Then we’re both mad. Wars break out. People are killed. Lives are destroyed. I fully understand that. But isn’t it time we moved away from our tribal needs to be so involved with each others lives?
I’m especially really not a big fan of relationships based on fear and despair as they mostly are these days. People are scared to be alone. The relationships formed with other people are only a way to replace that empty relationship most have with themselves. The sense of self is lost because of this. When this current corrupt monetary based system of ours crumbles, as it will, the implications of this will be fully known.
When in a relationship with another person, there are actually many relationships going on at the same time among the actual relationship we identify with. There is the relationship between the person you try to be or a certain role that is upholded with the person he/she tries to be. Then there is the relationship between who you think you are with who you want them to be. There’s also the one with who you really are with who they think you are, etc. These are mostly relationships with different roles we go through each day e.g when at work, talking to your parents, seeing an old friend on the train, talking with someone you are attracted to, being interviewed, etc.
The real and genuine relationship which is the base of all lasting friendships, partnerships, marriages, couples, etc. is one where there is a relationship with who you really are and who they really are; the persons behind the roles. These types of relationships are extremely rare because most people don’t even know who they really are or they think they know but are lying to themselves or are simply unaware. Indeed you could call this living a “lie” but I’d rather call it ignorance which is a more constructive and realistic way to look at it. Living this way often seems safe and comfortable. Although I would say that this ‘safetiness’ is a delusion. Of course we’re all ignorant to some degree but the problem is when we are ignorant of our own ignorance.
Where was I? Oh yeah…relationships, heheh…If we were to be qualified for our relationship skills I’m very convinced that most people would get an F = failure. On a scale of 1-10 I would say 2 or 3 at most on average. I say this in a constructive way. I think it’s more healthy to be aware of something that needs work then to pretend that everything is good. If we had to be highly qualified to be legally allowed to get married, have children/pets or even have friends, most people would still be in kindergarten learning the basic things although unfortunately our modern educational system completely fails to teach how to use our brains and intelligence to be the best human beings for ourselves and for everybody else. At least I was never taught those things. I had to learn all the important stuff myself. I’m still learning. I’m still in kindergarten. Self-educations is a good way to learn but it doesn’t always work in our favor. I was lucky to have been given the freedom to pursue my own path. (my lack of real life role models in my own life and the significance of that is a topic for another blog)
I think there should be a manual for us. I even have a proposition for a title: HUMAN BEING – User’s Manual. (all pun intended)
So there you have it. My thoughts on human relationships and also an explanation to those who wonder why I’m alone so much and how or what I’m doing. I’m pursuing something I like to call ‘mastery of self’. Only once I’ve done that will I be ready to step aboard the ship of relations. The ship shall sail without me for now.
Although the truth is, I don’t think I’ve ever really been alone. I actually know nothing about truly being alone. Sure, I’ve spent some time away from other *people* but I’ve usually replaced people with something else such as this computer I am writing this blog on currently. Solitude is a place I would very much like to one day visit.