10 Reasons Why I Failed As A Musician

Howdy. I started playing music when I was 6-7. I fell in love with Imagine and wanted to learn the drum fill before the first chorus. So I got a keyboard from santa and you could get drum sounds from the machine. I learned to do the fill with my left hand. And into the music rabbit hole I fell for a few decades!
Of course I would by lying if I told I am no longer in the rabbit hole. Music is like the mafia. You are in it for life. But I didn’t become a rock star nor did I join the 27 suicide club. Both of those were early dreams but I had no idea how to make dreams come true. Sometimes talent is not enough.
Here are the 10 reasons I failed (so far):
1) Not learning about deliberate practice. 
If you want to become really good at something, you gotta practise 4 hours per day for 10 years. Then you will get good! I’m sure I have gone way past that and I am pretty good with my skills but I’m a late bloomer in every way possible. Now I’m 35 but when I was 18 or 23, I was not good enough to be a successful musician. I didn’t know it at the time though. I went travelling with my guitar and songs looking for fame and glory. I didn’t have the confidence to hit the big time. So I didn’t.
2) Deleting my first blog
I think I started a blog when wordpress came around in 2004. I think I even had some websites before that. And then the myspace thing took off. But I was always deleting everything and starting new projects. This was a big mistake! By now I could probably have a pretty decent following if I had kept all those sites up and just built on them. I was on Facebook pretty early too but everything is gone. All my websites and blog and albums and soundcloud pages and youtube videos and bandcamp and itunes and everything is gone. I just sabotaged everything when I felt like I didn’t meet some arbitrary standards. Now I have nothing. But at least I have that. And I still have almost everything archived, including old blogs, songs, demos, etc.
3) Not building a business around my music
Nobody needs record labels anymore. But artists need to educate themselves about business. I refused to do that or didn’t know how. I thought money and marketing were evil. They are not. Business is about sharing ideas with others and creating value. It took a pretty painful reality check for me to realise that I’m broke, I’m nowhere and I have no idea what I’m doing. Sure, I worked with some people who were more focused on the business side of things but for one reason or another, they were unable to really guide me and get what I was doing. In recent years I’ve read a lot about business and entreneurship and all I can think is “I wish I would’ve done earlier” or seeked out someone who is a pro at this.
4) Not writing a hit song
A great song can really help an artist or band get the momentum going to really build a successful career. Radiohead had it with Creep. Coldplay had it with Yellow. Not every great band has it but it doesn’t hurt. It can of course destroy a band also if they can’t follow it and evolve. In some ways I’m grateful that I never became famous. This enabled me to develop quietly, away from the spotlight. And now I do have some great songs that I just haven’t released yet. It feels better this way. Then again… I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like if I had peaked earlier. I could be dead. I don’t think I would’ve been ready for that.
5) Underestimating the power of connections
This goes back to the deleting everything I mentioned earlier. I still have some emails of important people but I never really appreciated all the cool people I met everywhere who really loved my music and voice and supported me. I was just too focused on the next song and getting somewhere else and being better. I was obsessed with me and didn’t care about anyone else.
6) Believing in rock star mythology
I grew up listening to Nirvana, Metallica, Oasis, Queen, The Beatles, The Doors, Hendrix, etc. And I read everything I could about my heroes. The problem with that is that most of these artists were young and quite foolish and miserable. Many of them died too young. They were still kids. Suicide cases are dangerous heroes to have for a sensitive personality like mine. I formed an identity around all that. I found solace in music and songwriting. But there was too much fear attached to and I think people could sense this. Yes, some artists can pull this off and become very successful. Misery sells. But it also kills. Just ask Kurt Cobain or Jim Morrison. They were talented but not ready. I no longer consider them successful as humans although their music lives on.
7) Underestimating how smart my audience is
Sometimes I would play live and get mad when people were not getting it. I didn’t have the emotional skills to deal with that. I thought I was a god but apparently I just needed to go back to the drawing board and write better songs and perform them better. The audience knows when a performer has found his thing, when a performer is really connected with the music and the crowd. They know what a good song is. They might not understand it, but they recognise it. INSTANTLY. People just want great music. Music is universal. It is the most primitive form of communication there is. Everyone speaks music.
8) Too much alcohol 
I thought it was cool to drink and be fucked up. That was another way for me to deal with my issues. I was depressed and miserable. I drank more to hide but there was nowhere to hide. I got into Bukowski who was a drunk and really glamorized it. I was always a terrible alcoholic. I eventually went to some AA meeting but I even failed that. I failed at failure and failure failed me! Look at me now. Writing about my past as if it’s just a memory. Well it is. But our past leads us to our current situation. I’m grateful for everything that has happened. I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. I finally quit drinking earlier this year. For good. It’s poison and I hope that in the future people will stop feeding that lie and wake the fuck up. Lets get drunk on life instead. And success. Creativity. Love. Happiness. Fruit. Turquoise oceans. Aaaaaa….
9) Unhealthy lifestyle
I suppose this is an extension of the previous one but I wanted to make this its own thing. I ate junk food and didn’t take care of my body and mind. Luckily the universe intervened and brought me some guidance regarding this. A girl I dated in Ireland was a vegan. That opened up a whole new world for me. Same with fixing my focal dystonia which was due to stress and poor posture, weak/tight muscles and tendons. Again, I learned all this slowly. Better later than never. Now I feel awesome. I’m basically an expert on health, diet, movement and everything you are reading in this article.
10) Being too outcome oriented
Although in many ways I didn’t really give a fuck about anything but my songs, I still wanted fame and success and recognition. But I never had a proper plan or any concrete goals. Fame doesn’t really mean anything. Success is arbitrary and totally dependent on the person. I was just following those rock myths and thought that was the only way. But the music industry was changing a lot with Napster, youtube, digital music, itunes, torrenting and all that. The record shops died and now people just listen to music for free. Smart people foresaw that and got above it. I wasn’t one of those!
If you are a ambitious musician and reading this, I want to give you an empowering piece of advice. And I’m sure I’ll be writing about this more in the future:
YOU ARE THE MUSIC INDUSTRY.
Remember that.
What now for me? I’m not really sure how where my music goes from here. I have a lot of songs that I want to record and get out there before I die. I want to work with incredible musicians and travel the world performing. But I want more than that. My time is coming.
Thanks for reading and don’t hesitate to leave a comment below if you have any questions or feedback. And join my mailing list for updates and other cool stuff.